Day ? - Where have I been...

I have been out of commission for a while. Just wasn't in the writing mood. But I realize that the three of you who actually read this drivel are probably wondering how things are going in Fort Worthless. Rather than recap each day, here are some highlights I jotted down over the course of the past week:

-Have you ever seen Boiler Room? There is a scene where the head of the firm says that if the feds come, he can get all of his traders next door and have them trading again in hours. He shows someone a giant warehouse sized room with rows and rows of phones. That's where I work. Long desks, with about 10 phones per row, each with a computer and a chair. No barriers. Just people right next to each other, talking non-stop. But it isn't the talking which disturbs me. There is a woman behind me who has a cough. Not a slight hack, an ongoing phlem cannon. She hacks incessantly, never covering her mouth, all over the files she and her team share. If I was working with her, I would be beside myself......or dead. Im quite certain she has the plague.

-Was really running on fumes there for a second. The first week out here, you are just trying to get acclimated. Everything is new and different, so it keeps you on your toes. The second week is all adrenaline, but sleeping is still difficult. Time difference, hards beds....alone for the first time in over a year. The third week.....that's where you find out what you are made of. I have been doing good so far. Drinking on Sat didn't help, as my Sunday was ruined. But this week has started well, as I am right back on schedule with working out, eating, working.....maybe its the creatine. But Amy hasn't been working as hard, so being able to talk to her has helped alot with the sleeping. Nothing puts me to bed quicker than a quick "I love you" from her.....

-I can't describe the horror that is the call from the borrower. Some are ok, mind you. They want to know what to do, and they are more than happy to do it. They understand the size of our organization, and how difficult it can be to get things done quickly. But most, just want their money. "Where's my money?" That's what they ask. The greatest loan in history, with terms that would make a banker weep uncontrollably.....but they can't wait. I feel their pain, I really do. But I just wish more were cooperative. Then again, to be honest, alot of them are by the end of our phone calls. I imagine it's a matter of who picks up the phone, because I hear alot of exasperated co-workers talking to customers......but the more I think about it, the more I realize their phone skills are below average. We are definitely helping people here, but it has been a year since Katrina....we need to get money out the door. Gave away 57K today. That's not as much as it sounds, but it felt damn good.....

-Had training with a woman who pronounced the word "receipts" as "ree-seeps" and the word "debt" as "deb-tuh". I was flabbergasted. This was "copious" all over again, but about ten times odder. The kicker was she used the word "caveat" three times flawlessly.

-There are a surprising number of asians in the south. Helped a Lam family today, and three days ago it was the Nguyens in Biloxi. I wouldnt have bet a single dime there was a Nguyen in Biloxi.....

-A senior member of our team left on Friday, but not before we all went to lunch on Thursday. I didnt really want to go, but I also didnt want to be the anti-social new guy (even though that is exactly who I am). We went to Luby's Cafeteria. I can't make that up. It literally had the ambiance of a hospital cafeteria, without the cuisine. If it wasn't swimming in butter, it was dripping with grease. People seemed to like the place, but many of them were, well.....not thin. I even tried to eat healthy: green beans, fish, potatoes. I think even the water was cooked in grease. The capper? We took our co-worker there because they serve liver and onions, which she loves. I eat pate and shallots....that's about as close as Im coming to liver and onions.

-A Texan pronounced the word "concierge" as "con-ser-ahj." I had to poke myself in the eyeball just to make the pain of the word go away.

-Since my co-worker left, her space has become the new food area. Another person had a birthday on Friday, so she got food on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Monday and again today. Its bad enough I have to smell warm ranch dressing for 10 hours. But there is a phenomenon that occurs when you put food out in an office. People become these weird zombies. They approach the food, and crane their neck to see what's available. Eyeing every single morsel, as if they are allowed to be picky over free food. Then they grab the plate, and invariably begin talking to themselves. This is bad enough without me having to be the one sitting next to them. I feel as if I need to respond just so they don't slip into a psychotic episode.

-I am 6'3. When I walk into the rest room with a short man, I find it very, VERY upsetting when he is a step ahead of me and takes the higher urinal. So while he is on his toes, straining to not pee on the floor, I am now performing an act equivalent to using a chamber pot from a third story window. My only revenge, of course, is to finish first, then use the sink fartherst from the paper towels, so that when he approaches, I can reach all the way across, and leave him with no sink for even a brief moment. One inconvenience deservees another.

I miss you all. Thanks to all of you who take the time to read. Its good to know you care enough to see how things are going. And I am glad to have the excuse to get these thoughts out, because they are funny to me. Ill be back on more often. Please feel free to comment often, and forward this link on as you like.....