"Why does Andrew get to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up! It'll be anarchy! It's out of my hands....."
How many types of toothpaste do we need? There is a whole freakin aisle of toothpaste. And soap for that matter too. Why do we have so many different types? I mean honestly, how many different ways are there to clean? Clean is clean, right? This one has aloe, that one is the eye opener, this one has no dyes, this one floats......hey, which one cleans? Any of them? Just get the dirt off of me, huh? And what is the deal with washcloths? Are they necessary? I'd say 90% of us just use soap, right on us. What, someone else used it? So what. It's freaking soap. It is a self cleaning instrument.
Is there anything more stupid than red carpet shows? You've got Joan Rivers out there, with a mouth you could drive a HumVee through (last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it). She's out there, big no-talent that she is, with her less-talented off spring. Wait, absorb that for a minute - less talented than Joan Rivers. That's like being gayer than Richard Simmons. So these two, stand on the red carpet, interviewing stars about who sewed their clothes. What a bunch of useless crap. And we wonder why other countries hate us. Wouldn't it be nice to see one of the actors show up to one of these things just dressed raggedy as all hell. Oh, who are you wearing!!??!? Oh this old thing? Well, the shirt and pants are from Target. I stole the shoes off of a homeless person outside. And the jacket, well, it's special. Its for members only....Sometimes, I guess I just hate this world. Why are there people who care about this sort of thing? It fascinates me and repulses me at the same time.
For my money, there is nothing funnier than Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. I will not debate this. Ok, maybe Chappell's Show on Comedy Central. You know, most shows that are great, they still mix in a bad episode from time to time. Not Chappel's Show. Each episode is hilarious, and sometimes, better than the previous week. I dont know how one can maintain that level of quality, but the man is actually getting funnier. I mean, a skit about a white supremecist leader who is a blind black man that doesnt realize it? That is funny. I dont care what anyone says. I say, lighten up, that is damn funny.
Memo to so-called freestyle rappers: if you wrote it down earlier, it is NOT a freestyle. And you know who you are. I get tired of hearing a rapper say, oh, Im comin off the head, and then the whole rhyme is perfect rhyming, crazy words, just insanely good.....it's like, uh, what am I, an idiot? I know you wrote it, cause I heard you do the same "freestyle" on a different show! One of the purest forms of music, and people still can't get by without tryin to cheat....
Is it time for public executions? I keep hearing about these other countries where you jaywalk and they boil you in oil, or you bounce a check and they drop you off a cliff. It seems that in these countries, there is very little crime. How odd....Why arent we tougher on crime? Why are we scared to go into certain areas. There shouldnt be a situation where people have to avoid a street or neighborhood because they think they might take a beating. Let's keep the violence in the homes, where it belongs! So, we start ratcheting up the punishment, and fwwp!, people stop messin around. You telling me that if there was a statute that said if you kill someone, we beat you within an inch of your life with a sock full of nickels, then hang you from a flag pole from your genitals until you starve to death, that people wouldn't start second guessing it? Problem is, everyone thinks they can get away with stuff. Im rambling...
This crap about anti-semitism in the Passion of the Christ is such a load of crap. Look, it's historical, ok? Its based on a book written really long ago. So what, a couple of people decide to get offended (because they need attention, these imbicils) so what, we should re-write history? Oh, my feelings are hurt because this movie depicts in a bad light a group of people who shared my same unfounded religious belief 2000 years, and that depiction is based on, gasp!, historical documentation. Well, we can't have that can we? I say, let's re-write all of history, so that we can offend the least amount of people. Let's find small sects of people that, even if they get offended, they will be the minorty voice, and won't bother us. Lets see, killing Christ? Macedonians! Slavery? Fiji! And of course, the Holocaust...hmm, how about.......Lichtenstein! Yes, what are those pussies gonna do!
Movie Review: DAREDEVIL
Im really not gonna dwell on this one. Decent little comic book flick. Like all comic book flicks, tried to tell a story that took years to develop in ink in a matter of hours. Not too easy, I tell ya. Decent premise, acting better than I expected. (Affleck, you are still not good...but this is average...a real compliment). Jenn Garner is smoking hot. And Collin Farrel is excellent, I mean really good. Anyways, decent action, highly unbelievable, and imminently unforgettable. I watched it for free, and would have it no other way.
Speaking of movies, what is this hollywood fascination with making movies with couples? So, what, just because to people have sex, the studios need to crank out a movie with em? Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas. Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones. Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.....when does it end?
Is the Puff Diddy era over yet? I never got this guy. Let me see, he doesnt sample your song, he takes every single bit of it! Takes the whole song, doesnt touch it, then raps over it, or has someone else rap over it. That's it? There is a name for that, Mr. Diddy, it's called Karaoke. I mean, does this guy even have a job? I didnt know "wearing a suit" consituted a career.
When you go to the bar, there is a weird dynamic. In a group of chicks, the hot one is the leader, and everyone becomes imminently cuter because of her. That's why even the fat one gets talked to. But in a group of guys, the group is only as cool as the dorkiest guy in the group. There is no separating him. If your buddy shows up in cut off jeans and a tank top, well, I dont care if you are Travolta, you are in trouble. Cause you cant ditch the guy, he'll grab on to you like a lamprey, sucking the life out of you and the party. There is a different energy transference. Guys just have a higher standard to live up to, you know? it's like, you tell a girl you are an "associate" VP, and it's like, oh, couldnt be a full fledge VP, not good enough! Meanwhile, guys dont care. We're out there hitting on the chick workin the fry machine at Wendys. We just have a lower requirement.....are you hot? Good, then everything else is negligable.
Ok, was pricing transportation. I want to get to the Modesto area from San Diego. Cant fly, obviously. But to fly to San Jose or SF or Oaktown, I can get there for 39 each way if I book in advance. The train will cost me 90 beans. And to drive, well, its about 100 for gas (prices are steep!) But I dont get it....the bus is 110 bucks! How is that possible. I went looking at the bus as a last resort, but with the thinking that, eh, 40 bucks, tops. But 110? Someone has got to explain that to me. I've flown to CHICAGO for 150. There is something wrong there. And if you've been on a greyhound bus, you know it's not exactly the lap of luxury.
It's pouring rain here today, and I am going to bet its the lead story on the news here. Is this really news? Isnt the news for telling me about stuff that (a) is important or interesting, and (b) I don't know? Im not a shut in, I know its raining. I dont need 30 minutes of some guy in a rain coat by some leevee telling me that we just got 3 inches in the last 5 hours. Um, so? Its freaking rain. Rain! Its not hailing pot roasts. When lighting strikes and the dead walk the earth, then the weather guy can lead off the news. When there are 400 mph winds coming, or a tsunami.....then hey, weather all day every day. But I dont think wet pavement is reason enough to instigate Storm Watch 2004! And it's not just here. Everywhere, some piddly little weather event gets hours of coverage noone needs nor cares about. Hell, in Hawaii if they get a cloud they institute a climatic warning.....ladies and gentlemen, don't panic, but the city of Honolulu will be experiencing three...straight....days....of.........SHADE! Augh, I cant look....pooooor Hawaii!!!
Aaaaaaaand, Im spent....
How many types of toothpaste do we need? There is a whole freakin aisle of toothpaste. And soap for that matter too. Why do we have so many different types? I mean honestly, how many different ways are there to clean? Clean is clean, right? This one has aloe, that one is the eye opener, this one has no dyes, this one floats......hey, which one cleans? Any of them? Just get the dirt off of me, huh? And what is the deal with washcloths? Are they necessary? I'd say 90% of us just use soap, right on us. What, someone else used it? So what. It's freaking soap. It is a self cleaning instrument.
Is there anything more stupid than red carpet shows? You've got Joan Rivers out there, with a mouth you could drive a HumVee through (last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it). She's out there, big no-talent that she is, with her less-talented off spring. Wait, absorb that for a minute - less talented than Joan Rivers. That's like being gayer than Richard Simmons. So these two, stand on the red carpet, interviewing stars about who sewed their clothes. What a bunch of useless crap. And we wonder why other countries hate us. Wouldn't it be nice to see one of the actors show up to one of these things just dressed raggedy as all hell. Oh, who are you wearing!!??!? Oh this old thing? Well, the shirt and pants are from Target. I stole the shoes off of a homeless person outside. And the jacket, well, it's special. Its for members only....Sometimes, I guess I just hate this world. Why are there people who care about this sort of thing? It fascinates me and repulses me at the same time.
For my money, there is nothing funnier than Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. I will not debate this. Ok, maybe Chappell's Show on Comedy Central. You know, most shows that are great, they still mix in a bad episode from time to time. Not Chappel's Show. Each episode is hilarious, and sometimes, better than the previous week. I dont know how one can maintain that level of quality, but the man is actually getting funnier. I mean, a skit about a white supremecist leader who is a blind black man that doesnt realize it? That is funny. I dont care what anyone says. I say, lighten up, that is damn funny.
Memo to so-called freestyle rappers: if you wrote it down earlier, it is NOT a freestyle. And you know who you are. I get tired of hearing a rapper say, oh, Im comin off the head, and then the whole rhyme is perfect rhyming, crazy words, just insanely good.....it's like, uh, what am I, an idiot? I know you wrote it, cause I heard you do the same "freestyle" on a different show! One of the purest forms of music, and people still can't get by without tryin to cheat....
Is it time for public executions? I keep hearing about these other countries where you jaywalk and they boil you in oil, or you bounce a check and they drop you off a cliff. It seems that in these countries, there is very little crime. How odd....Why arent we tougher on crime? Why are we scared to go into certain areas. There shouldnt be a situation where people have to avoid a street or neighborhood because they think they might take a beating. Let's keep the violence in the homes, where it belongs! So, we start ratcheting up the punishment, and fwwp!, people stop messin around. You telling me that if there was a statute that said if you kill someone, we beat you within an inch of your life with a sock full of nickels, then hang you from a flag pole from your genitals until you starve to death, that people wouldn't start second guessing it? Problem is, everyone thinks they can get away with stuff. Im rambling...
This crap about anti-semitism in the Passion of the Christ is such a load of crap. Look, it's historical, ok? Its based on a book written really long ago. So what, a couple of people decide to get offended (because they need attention, these imbicils) so what, we should re-write history? Oh, my feelings are hurt because this movie depicts in a bad light a group of people who shared my same unfounded religious belief 2000 years, and that depiction is based on, gasp!, historical documentation. Well, we can't have that can we? I say, let's re-write all of history, so that we can offend the least amount of people. Let's find small sects of people that, even if they get offended, they will be the minorty voice, and won't bother us. Lets see, killing Christ? Macedonians! Slavery? Fiji! And of course, the Holocaust...hmm, how about.......Lichtenstein! Yes, what are those pussies gonna do!
Movie Review: DAREDEVIL
Im really not gonna dwell on this one. Decent little comic book flick. Like all comic book flicks, tried to tell a story that took years to develop in ink in a matter of hours. Not too easy, I tell ya. Decent premise, acting better than I expected. (Affleck, you are still not good...but this is average...a real compliment). Jenn Garner is smoking hot. And Collin Farrel is excellent, I mean really good. Anyways, decent action, highly unbelievable, and imminently unforgettable. I watched it for free, and would have it no other way.
Speaking of movies, what is this hollywood fascination with making movies with couples? So, what, just because to people have sex, the studios need to crank out a movie with em? Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas. Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones. Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.....when does it end?
Is the Puff Diddy era over yet? I never got this guy. Let me see, he doesnt sample your song, he takes every single bit of it! Takes the whole song, doesnt touch it, then raps over it, or has someone else rap over it. That's it? There is a name for that, Mr. Diddy, it's called Karaoke. I mean, does this guy even have a job? I didnt know "wearing a suit" consituted a career.
When you go to the bar, there is a weird dynamic. In a group of chicks, the hot one is the leader, and everyone becomes imminently cuter because of her. That's why even the fat one gets talked to. But in a group of guys, the group is only as cool as the dorkiest guy in the group. There is no separating him. If your buddy shows up in cut off jeans and a tank top, well, I dont care if you are Travolta, you are in trouble. Cause you cant ditch the guy, he'll grab on to you like a lamprey, sucking the life out of you and the party. There is a different energy transference. Guys just have a higher standard to live up to, you know? it's like, you tell a girl you are an "associate" VP, and it's like, oh, couldnt be a full fledge VP, not good enough! Meanwhile, guys dont care. We're out there hitting on the chick workin the fry machine at Wendys. We just have a lower requirement.....are you hot? Good, then everything else is negligable.
Ok, was pricing transportation. I want to get to the Modesto area from San Diego. Cant fly, obviously. But to fly to San Jose or SF or Oaktown, I can get there for 39 each way if I book in advance. The train will cost me 90 beans. And to drive, well, its about 100 for gas (prices are steep!) But I dont get it....the bus is 110 bucks! How is that possible. I went looking at the bus as a last resort, but with the thinking that, eh, 40 bucks, tops. But 110? Someone has got to explain that to me. I've flown to CHICAGO for 150. There is something wrong there. And if you've been on a greyhound bus, you know it's not exactly the lap of luxury.
It's pouring rain here today, and I am going to bet its the lead story on the news here. Is this really news? Isnt the news for telling me about stuff that (a) is important or interesting, and (b) I don't know? Im not a shut in, I know its raining. I dont need 30 minutes of some guy in a rain coat by some leevee telling me that we just got 3 inches in the last 5 hours. Um, so? Its freaking rain. Rain! Its not hailing pot roasts. When lighting strikes and the dead walk the earth, then the weather guy can lead off the news. When there are 400 mph winds coming, or a tsunami.....then hey, weather all day every day. But I dont think wet pavement is reason enough to instigate Storm Watch 2004! And it's not just here. Everywhere, some piddly little weather event gets hours of coverage noone needs nor cares about. Hell, in Hawaii if they get a cloud they institute a climatic warning.....ladies and gentlemen, don't panic, but the city of Honolulu will be experiencing three...straight....days....of.........SHADE! Augh, I cant look....pooooor Hawaii!!!
Aaaaaaaand, Im spent....
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