Monday, May 10, 2004

Just Thinking Out Loud.....

"Ignorant people use statistics the same way drunks use a lamppost: for support, but never enlightenment."

Im still studying Corporate Finance. Just went over a theory known as the Random Walk. It compares stock prices to dropping a drunk guy in the middle of a corn field. It is impossible to predict where a drunk will end up, and the path he will take there. The only useful information is where he started, just as stock prices can't be predicted.

So it got me to thinking, about all of the Random Walks I've taken. Of course, part of walking home drunk means...well, you don't remember alot of em. I remember being out all night drinking while in New York with my wife. We got home around 330, and she wanted french fries. So, in all of my genius, I walk out in the middle of Times Square at about 4 am looking for a McDonalds. Like any drunk walk, I had an uncanny sense of direction, and ambled about 7 blocks down straight to a McDonald's. Got fries, cokes, the works, and got straight back to the hotel, not a single problem. Like any drunk walk, all I can think now, is, "What the hell was I thinking?"

Of course, that walk looks like a stroll through a Salt Lake suburb compared to the genius trek I took in Chicago. We used to live on North and Halsted, which happens to be a couple minutes from Cabrini Green, or at least, what used to be Cabrini Green, the most dangerous projects in the nation (arguably). So, I end up at a bar that was literally on the other side of the tracks. Past Cabrini, over the railroad tracks, over a river, and into the warehouse district. Not good. But this bar, it was nice. Well, in all my brilliance, I tie one on, and vanish. You know, when you are drinkin, and you get up to use the restroom, but instead, you walk 10 miles home? Yeah, something like that. So of course, like always happens when you have enough to drink, I was invincible. No trouble, no people actually. But of course, when drinking, you come up with some odd ideas. I recall at one point, grabbing a bottle off of the sidewalk, and breaking it, walking with it like a weapon. You know, half of a Heineken bottle and a blood-alcohol level in double digits will turn the average man into the Terminator.

Since coming to San Diego, I've had my share of treks. We live up a hill here, and it's about a half hour walk from the bottom to our house, and about an hour from the nearest bar, so, everytime my ride leaves, and I dont have cab fare, I round up a sherpa and trek up the hill. All I know is that my calves burn to all hell by the time I get home, and Im sweating like Micheal Jackson at a Boy Scout meeting. But that doesn't top the night I lost my roommate downtown. From the Yacht Club at the Marriot to my old house, it was a good 10 minute drive. That's with the freeway. So, we go to this place, and he gets in a squabble. Next thing I know, he vanishes like a cupcake in Oprah's dressing room, and I spend the next hour walking around the entire hotel, calling him every 3 minutes like a love sick school girl. Eventually, I need to get out of there. I hop in a cab, and get home. What do I find on the front lawn? One of those bike cabs from the show Apprentice! Ok, you are now thinking the same thing I was thinking.....this fool stole it! Ok, so now, I have a whole new problem. Does this qualify as grand theft auto? Joy riding? Not to mention, how did this guy drive this thing all the way from downtown, which is like 10-15 miles or something. So I walk in, half way through my rehearsed sentence of "What the hell?!?!", and here is this fool, sitting on the couch, playing guitar with some shaggy haired stranger. So he talked this guy into giving him a ride all the way from downtown, which is enough of a trip to make Lance Armstrong puke, for like 30 bucks, and then he invites the guy in to jam and drink rum! Only Los, man. So now, my questions turn from, will I have to bail this guy out of jail later, to, "Do I have to get a lock for my door because there is something about this cat that I didn't know about?" All I know is, I took my ass to bed, and closed the night with, "Dog, I don't wanna know...."

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