"It was a woman who drove me to drink.....and I never took the time to thank her."
-WC Fields
Wow, more than a month later, and the Consigliari is finally back, to enlighted, entertain, and otherwise rouse one's rabble. I am the fly in the ointment. The monkey in the wrench. I dont even know where to start. I mean, so much has happened in this last month, and damn near all of it pisses me off!
Isnt it amazing how the greatest things in life, and the worst things in life can be so closely intertwined? Like, oh, I dont know, love? Actually, I was thinking that the best feeling in the world is that moment when you wake up in the morning, and realize you still have 15 more minutes before you need to get up. It's like you just got away with something. So you grin, ear to ear, and grab a pillow, because damnit, you just feel like hugging something! Then of course, 15 minutes later, you confront the worst feeling in the world. You have to get up, there is no hope. You are a slave to time. Only 15 minutes ago, you were its master. And now, bow down sucker.
Ok, Pete Rose. What a freaking disaster. Only this guy could sit back, lie his ass off, and still have 80% of the popular support. Then, come out, and make things WORSE! I mean, the guy just does not get it. I honestly used to think, ok, put him in the Hall of Fame but dont reinstate him, because his on the field and off the field things were separate. Now, I say no. The guy is a clown, and living joke. He deserves no one's sympathy. Gotta love it, he admits to betting on his own team while managing, then says the infamous, "Its over now, let's move on." Hmm, wasnt that the Nazi's defense at Nuremburg?
Man, I started painting my room, and it is hard. Get this, the hardest part? Taping! Who knew? You gotta get that stuff straight man! Luckily, I am a genius. Which translates to absolutely nothing! I cant get that taping right man....not to mention paint everywhere....man, i sat on the paint can lid. Painting is no joke. But, even with all that, its coming along pretty nice.
Ever been punched in the stomach? Imagine that, while someone grabs each nipple and twists. Then bang your head on a table, while stabbing yourself in the ear with a meat thermometer. And then, do it again the next day. This is what it is like to be a fan of Minnesota Golden Gopher athletics. Look, I had a great time in college. And the business school was fantastic. But rooting for these teams, the football and basketball, is absolute torture. Dr. Kevorkian should be the Dean of Students, because the goal of every Gopher fan is to continually subject themself to the rigors of watching a bunch of talented players go out, look like world beaters, then take a huge crap in the middle of the field/court. Self inflicted torture. Every...freaking....game! Really, there are signs of brilliance in every game, by even the worst teams. Then, they just go to hell, and look a team that would lose to the School of the Blind or the Pizza Hut rec league team. Nothing in life breaks my heart with more consistency than a Gopher sports team.
Man.....I love donuts.
Ok, new favorite show: The Apprentice. Usually, I hate reality shows. I swear, I thought the new Real World sucked, and I despise the people on Road Rules.....but when you put the two together....well, just kill me now. And Survivor? Is there anything stupider than 15 people eating bugs and crapping in a palm tree, then saying, "It's how you play the game." The game? Since when are "survival" and "retention of a sliver of human dignity" games? Badmitton. Jai Alai. Hungry Hungry Hippos. These are games. Trying to make sure a scorpion doesnt climb in your shorts and sting your marble bag is not a game. It's just stupid. And Big Brother? Maybe a leak to Tom Ridge will get a bombing ordered of the house. Someone tell Bush that the Big Brother house is a sleeper cell or something. It's just, the way these people take it so seriously. I would be in that house, just chillin, watching tv all day. People wanna talk, beat it. No drama for me. It's like these people like drama, and seek it out! They even create it. What kind of dope are you if you enjoy drama? Who needs the stress of trying to deal with other people's issues? Man, I got enough of my own! Anyways, the Apprentice. Five observations, and one big recommendation to watch the show. I really do like it. (1) Donald Trump is the biggest stiff in the world. Gotta be the only guy on a reality show trying to act, and not doing a very good job. This guy delivers his lines with the accuracy of a blind mailman. What sucks is, when he forgets to act, and just talks, you can see why he is successful. Then he goes back to "Donald the Actor" and it crumbles. But his cheesiness is part of the humor, I guess. (2) No human being on earth should go in public with this man's hair. It should be officially declared a national disaster. Ive been through wildfires, earthquakes, floods......and I would seek therapy if I had to walk around in public with this guy's hair. The man parts it at his ear! I mean, who are you fooling, other than Ray Charles? (3) Based on 1 and 2, this man is a pimp. Talks like a robot from the 50's, with hair that resembles a deceased rodent, and he is still rich, super rich. And he pulls so much tail, it's obscene. Then again, those last two are likely related. (4) I dont know if this show is good for women in business. They are just shown to be frauds in this show. These chicks, who have excelled in their fields, and are high up on the corporate food chain, out, giving away kisses and their phone numbers to sell lemonade. I mean, that is just degrading. Then you see the guys, and they are out, selling, talking to people, really working. Im sorry, but, one, that isnt a fair way to rate people (sex sells), but two, it makes me question how all these women got so successful. (5) It sure does appear that an MBA isn't worth the paper it's printed on. These MBA guys have no heart, no real world talent. Go crunch numbers, egghead. Bonus Observation: I dont care what that little weasely loser says, that immigrant wasn't going to buy a glass of lemonade for 1000 bucks. This dork is pitching that, buy a glass for a grand, and you will have a story to tell for the rest of your life. You will experience the american dream. If I was working with that guy, I'd punch him in the mouth just for being an idiot. I hate that guy. I hope to meet him some day....
Movie Review: ELF
I also saw Pirates of the Carribbean recently, but I will save that for when I want to say positive things. Im in a negative mood, and Elf fits the bill.
Fraud. That's what this movie was. All these critics, telling me that this was a funny movie. A feel good movie. It was not that great. It had a couple funny parts, but man, so did Wild Wild West, and I wouldnt walk across the street to spit on the director of that piece of filth if his head was on fire. Elf is a kids movie, and it's important that they mention it. It's just not funny, man. It's just goofy, non stop goofy. Will Ferrell is hilarious, no matter what he does. But even he didnt save this movie for me. It is formulaic, with sight gags and burp jokes. Real sophisticated. I damn near threw up when he starts eating the gum off the sidewalk. I mean, come on! Santa told him specifically not to eat the gum on the sidewalk, and he did anyways. The lesson, kids? Santa is full of crap.
Hmm, I really thought I had more to say, but I dont. Ill sign off, but will be back with more regularity.
"Broke the rubber/ busted a nut up in yer mother/ so how's it feel to have another little brother?"
-WC Fields
Wow, more than a month later, and the Consigliari is finally back, to enlighted, entertain, and otherwise rouse one's rabble. I am the fly in the ointment. The monkey in the wrench. I dont even know where to start. I mean, so much has happened in this last month, and damn near all of it pisses me off!
Isnt it amazing how the greatest things in life, and the worst things in life can be so closely intertwined? Like, oh, I dont know, love? Actually, I was thinking that the best feeling in the world is that moment when you wake up in the morning, and realize you still have 15 more minutes before you need to get up. It's like you just got away with something. So you grin, ear to ear, and grab a pillow, because damnit, you just feel like hugging something! Then of course, 15 minutes later, you confront the worst feeling in the world. You have to get up, there is no hope. You are a slave to time. Only 15 minutes ago, you were its master. And now, bow down sucker.
Ok, Pete Rose. What a freaking disaster. Only this guy could sit back, lie his ass off, and still have 80% of the popular support. Then, come out, and make things WORSE! I mean, the guy just does not get it. I honestly used to think, ok, put him in the Hall of Fame but dont reinstate him, because his on the field and off the field things were separate. Now, I say no. The guy is a clown, and living joke. He deserves no one's sympathy. Gotta love it, he admits to betting on his own team while managing, then says the infamous, "Its over now, let's move on." Hmm, wasnt that the Nazi's defense at Nuremburg?
Man, I started painting my room, and it is hard. Get this, the hardest part? Taping! Who knew? You gotta get that stuff straight man! Luckily, I am a genius. Which translates to absolutely nothing! I cant get that taping right man....not to mention paint everywhere....man, i sat on the paint can lid. Painting is no joke. But, even with all that, its coming along pretty nice.
Ever been punched in the stomach? Imagine that, while someone grabs each nipple and twists. Then bang your head on a table, while stabbing yourself in the ear with a meat thermometer. And then, do it again the next day. This is what it is like to be a fan of Minnesota Golden Gopher athletics. Look, I had a great time in college. And the business school was fantastic. But rooting for these teams, the football and basketball, is absolute torture. Dr. Kevorkian should be the Dean of Students, because the goal of every Gopher fan is to continually subject themself to the rigors of watching a bunch of talented players go out, look like world beaters, then take a huge crap in the middle of the field/court. Self inflicted torture. Every...freaking....game! Really, there are signs of brilliance in every game, by even the worst teams. Then, they just go to hell, and look a team that would lose to the School of the Blind or the Pizza Hut rec league team. Nothing in life breaks my heart with more consistency than a Gopher sports team.
Man.....I love donuts.
Ok, new favorite show: The Apprentice. Usually, I hate reality shows. I swear, I thought the new Real World sucked, and I despise the people on Road Rules.....but when you put the two together....well, just kill me now. And Survivor? Is there anything stupider than 15 people eating bugs and crapping in a palm tree, then saying, "It's how you play the game." The game? Since when are "survival" and "retention of a sliver of human dignity" games? Badmitton. Jai Alai. Hungry Hungry Hippos. These are games. Trying to make sure a scorpion doesnt climb in your shorts and sting your marble bag is not a game. It's just stupid. And Big Brother? Maybe a leak to Tom Ridge will get a bombing ordered of the house. Someone tell Bush that the Big Brother house is a sleeper cell or something. It's just, the way these people take it so seriously. I would be in that house, just chillin, watching tv all day. People wanna talk, beat it. No drama for me. It's like these people like drama, and seek it out! They even create it. What kind of dope are you if you enjoy drama? Who needs the stress of trying to deal with other people's issues? Man, I got enough of my own! Anyways, the Apprentice. Five observations, and one big recommendation to watch the show. I really do like it. (1) Donald Trump is the biggest stiff in the world. Gotta be the only guy on a reality show trying to act, and not doing a very good job. This guy delivers his lines with the accuracy of a blind mailman. What sucks is, when he forgets to act, and just talks, you can see why he is successful. Then he goes back to "Donald the Actor" and it crumbles. But his cheesiness is part of the humor, I guess. (2) No human being on earth should go in public with this man's hair. It should be officially declared a national disaster. Ive been through wildfires, earthquakes, floods......and I would seek therapy if I had to walk around in public with this guy's hair. The man parts it at his ear! I mean, who are you fooling, other than Ray Charles? (3) Based on 1 and 2, this man is a pimp. Talks like a robot from the 50's, with hair that resembles a deceased rodent, and he is still rich, super rich. And he pulls so much tail, it's obscene. Then again, those last two are likely related. (4) I dont know if this show is good for women in business. They are just shown to be frauds in this show. These chicks, who have excelled in their fields, and are high up on the corporate food chain, out, giving away kisses and their phone numbers to sell lemonade. I mean, that is just degrading. Then you see the guys, and they are out, selling, talking to people, really working. Im sorry, but, one, that isnt a fair way to rate people (sex sells), but two, it makes me question how all these women got so successful. (5) It sure does appear that an MBA isn't worth the paper it's printed on. These MBA guys have no heart, no real world talent. Go crunch numbers, egghead. Bonus Observation: I dont care what that little weasely loser says, that immigrant wasn't going to buy a glass of lemonade for 1000 bucks. This dork is pitching that, buy a glass for a grand, and you will have a story to tell for the rest of your life. You will experience the american dream. If I was working with that guy, I'd punch him in the mouth just for being an idiot. I hate that guy. I hope to meet him some day....
Movie Review: ELF
I also saw Pirates of the Carribbean recently, but I will save that for when I want to say positive things. Im in a negative mood, and Elf fits the bill.
Fraud. That's what this movie was. All these critics, telling me that this was a funny movie. A feel good movie. It was not that great. It had a couple funny parts, but man, so did Wild Wild West, and I wouldnt walk across the street to spit on the director of that piece of filth if his head was on fire. Elf is a kids movie, and it's important that they mention it. It's just not funny, man. It's just goofy, non stop goofy. Will Ferrell is hilarious, no matter what he does. But even he didnt save this movie for me. It is formulaic, with sight gags and burp jokes. Real sophisticated. I damn near threw up when he starts eating the gum off the sidewalk. I mean, come on! Santa told him specifically not to eat the gum on the sidewalk, and he did anyways. The lesson, kids? Santa is full of crap.
Hmm, I really thought I had more to say, but I dont. Ill sign off, but will be back with more regularity.
"Broke the rubber/ busted a nut up in yer mother/ so how's it feel to have another little brother?"
