Who Stepped on a Duck?

"I can drink a whole Hennessey fifth/ Some call it a problem but I call it a gift."
-Tha Alkaholiks


So this guy called the radio show I was listening to, and the topic was sleep problems. The host was talking about how much better he sleeps now that he and his wife are in separate beds. Ok, for me, I would sleep worse. I love having my wife next to me. So, this guy calls in, says, he is 300 lbs, and he would like to sleep in separate beds, but can't convince his wife. Ok, first and foremost, the proper advice here is...you are 3 freaking bills, just be happy someone married you you parade float! It just got me thinking, this is why relationships don't work. Everyone wants a perfect marriage, they want to feel like they have a soul mate. Just be happy you found someone who tolerates all of your crap. Your needs aren't being met? Drop some of your needs! I can understand being upset if your spouse isnt physically attracted to you, won't find a job, does Heroin at the dinner table.......these are legitimate concerns. But filing for divorce because your spouse leaves dishes in the sink is extreme.

Hmm. Catholics say suicide is a sin, and you go to hell. But these Islamic extremists think that if they kill themselves, they are going to heaven. I've got some bad news for someone........one of you is right.

Ok, I am all for honoring Pat Tillman. One problem, we are going too far. He just got awarded every medal the Army could dig up. They are retiring his jersey. The league is honoring him. Here is a guy that refused to do an interview about his decision because he didnt want any attention. Now he passes, and it's like free game on making a spectacle of it. It has gotten to the point where every organization affiliated with Pat is using his death to benefit. It is sickening. We chastise the people who are selling Tillman memorabilia on Ebay, but we don't take the NFL, ASU, etc to task for taking advantage of Pat's memory. Let's call a spade a spade, and admit that there is such a thing as too much praise.

Dubya insisted that Cheney join him while being interviewed by the 9/11 commission. I can see that. It's alot like the requirement that a minor be accompanied by their parent or guardian.

Sigh. Why do I kill myself like this? I emailed the wifey to make sure she got a check I sent. Another vanilla response. I just feel like Im being treated like a friend. That better not be the case. You leave me, you leave me totally. There is no friendship afterwards. She better realize that. I won't be strung along (even though I am right now.....), but I have no choice right now. Finals, work, I have too much going on. But man, when finals are over.....this shit is getting resolved. I have been real cool for a long time, really, almost too patient. But as soon as I get some time to really think about things, I can already tell that Im gonna be pretty angry. This is a bad time for these feelings to be coming up. God, this sucks.

I really like stuff like UFOs, the Bermuda Triangle, stuff like that. I know it's probably all crap, but isn't there something interesting about things we can't explain? Then again, I can't explain a single thing about life. I don't know why the universe exists, why Im here, any of that. So why do I need to find something else I can't explain. I guess when you think about it, I can't explain nuclear physics, but at least there are books on the subject. Why don't I learn about something that is tangible? Why worry about ghosts and aliens and crap like that? Are we all so bored with life that we need to think about things that just aren't there? The Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, the Yeti. Even if these things were proven, wouldn't it suck? I mean, say they find Bigfoot. It'll be like, wow, Bigfoot, oooh. Then what? It'll be old news in like a week. We have absolutely no attention span anymore. Constantly looking for something new, no patience. I know, I get mad if the microwave takes too long. And it is governed by the laws of time and space.....and still Im like, come one! What was I talking about? I already forgot....

Today's radio station of choice is WZON from Bangor, Maine. Wow! This place is making Cedar Rapids look like the Big Apple. The major issue on the table today is the removal of strange vegetation from your boat when taking it out of the water. I have now been told to do that at least 10 times in various news reports. In addition, the business report basically amounted to 5 companies all bankrupt or being bought out by Connecticut firms. Also, it it appears that a great majority of the state's population is moving south. I know, I know, amazing. I was shocked myself. Also, it turns out I can get an audio cassette of all the great Maine games from the past for 12.99. Now that is a bargain.

Duke University has decided to eliminate 8 AM classes. Talk about putting a band aid on a broken leg. Ok, it's a start. Who goes to 8 AM class? No one. Let's be honest, no one in undergrad is in class until 2 pm. All undergrad classes should just be night classes. If you can get out of bed before noon, you are a freaking nerd! And when you go to a place like Minnesota, where its a 20 minute walk through slush and snow, well.......

The worst thing about being homeless, is never being able to enjoy camping.

Remember the Walk of Shame? Don't act like I just made it up. In college, you would either hook up with someone, or pass out on the floor of a fraternity house....then you have to make that 400 mile trek across campus back to your dorm in the same clothes as the night before. Next thing you know, you are in a roped off line, waiting to get into the bathroom to take a shower. One guy never worries about that. You know, he's at the end of the hall, he never goes out, he's probably in the ROTC. He's up at 730, with his flip flops and his basket. You know the basket. It holds the shampoo, the soap, the loofa. You have got to be a class A dork to have the basket. Im sorry, but you arent cool unless you are half naked, wobbling down the hall with a towel you havent washed in like 2 weeks. Sitting under water heated by boiling lava, you sit there for 2 hours, then wash yourself with the left over soap slivers, pressing them together to form some sort of mutant bar of soap. Just be careful washing your backside with that little thing, cause, 'whoop!', it's gone! And what was with the water pressure in those dorm showers? I turned that thing on, it blew me out the window. I had to strap myself in to stay in there, then stand there and take a pressurized blast to the face like I was marching on Montgomery.

Is it me, or are there not alot of black people or mexicans going skiing? I never see em on the mountain. Its always white guys named chip, and these little 5 year old shooting down the hill at 800 mph. If I see a black guy and a mexican guy at the top of the mountain, I call 911....there's been a plane crash!

Have a great weekend.....

Your Friendly Neighborhood Bloggerman

"Sir, you are a drunk."
"Madam, you are ugly....and tomorrow, Ill be sober."


Sigh. Ignorance is everywhere. Read THIS, and tell me if I am way off in saying that this guy is an absolute moron. I don't know what it costs to fly to Amherst, but I might save up my pennies just so I can bury this guy. I am not sure what offends me more: (a) the fact that this guy is from Puerto Rico and is talking a ridiculous amount of garbage about the US, or (b) the fact that this guy is supposed to be a graduate student, and he can't write for crap. I am not going to get too fired up about this idiot. The real problem is that this college newspaper decided to run the article, and then supported their decision based on the First Amendment. I don't care if someone thinks that Pat Tillman wasn't a "hero" or that he made a mistake joining the service, those are legitimate points of view. Just get an article in there that is written intelligently, and is backed up by actual thought. This guy is just anti-American, and decided to carry over that feeling into this latest hot topic.

I really like the new song for the NBA playoffs that the Black Eyed Peas put together.

Boy, I am taking abuse on my little Midwest rant, aren't I. And I understood the criticism, until I re-read it. Note to haters, do the same. Re-read it. I simply said that we here on the West Coast have a skewed view of what goes on in the rural parts of the country. I also admitted that this was a wrong view, and that there were plenty of intelligent and sophisticated people in the Midwest and South. I didnt generalize. However, in America, god forbid you have an opinion about someone's race or hometown or whatever. In this case, I had an opinion which was based on a legitimate thought, was delivered tongue in cheek, and even contained a concession that what I was thinking was most definitely wrong. I can't do much more than that, but people STILL got offended. We see what we want to see, and we hear what we want to hear. You are better off not saying anything, you know?

Why are stereotypes all bad? It seems people are always saying something about other races or nationalities, but it is always negative. Can't we develop some positive stereotypes? You know, those Chinese people, you know about them right? They can fly! And Puerto Ricans, every knows about them.....they're made of candy!

My friend is upset. I haven't mentioned him in the blog lately. Never mind that I linked his blog to mine, so that those who grow tired of my Stateism can look elsewhere for their daily anger. Mussopini, Mussopini! There, happy? If my Dennis Miller-esque rants are too slow, venture over there for a more Dennis Leary-type free flowing hostility.

I dont understand why, when teams relocate, they don't change their name. The LA Lakers are from Minnesota, hence the "Lake"rs. The Utah Jazz used to be New Orleans. The Memphis Grizzlies are from Vancouver. What is so hard about getting a new name? Or switching names? Shouldn't Utah and New Orleans switch names? Utah is the Beehive State, so wouldnt the Utah Hornets make more sense? And god knows the New Orleans Jazz makes more sense. It seems so simple, I just dont get it.

So I study and study and study for this midterm I had last night. One problem, it was moved to tonight. I didn't know whether to do cartwheels or punch someone in the mouth. Lot of wasted stress, I think, and now I have to go through all that crap again tonight. Sigh. By the way, is it me, or is it odd to have a "midterm" on the last day of classes? I think so....

Just drove by one of those tiny little crap markets that happen to make sandwiches. Max's Deli, it was called. Looked like a real epicenter of fine cuisine. It's like buying your lunch at a gas station (which I have done, so I shouldn't talk). What struck me as odd was the giant orance banner hanging outside, "Under New Management!" I was totally dumbfounded. Was this a marketing ploy? Were the previous owners so bad, that dozens of customers quit going there? Will new management make Max's Deli the new hot spot? And if it's new management, why is it still Max's Deli? It would seem to me that Max is the old management. And if you just changed the name, to Larry's Deli, or whatever, would you need to say Under New Management, or would you just let us figure it out ourselves? If McDonald's pulled down the signs, and suddenly called itself O'Henry's, I'd guess something was up....

Head...Move.....Now! Kid's head is so big it looks like an orange on a toothpick! Now he'll probably cry himself to sleep on his huge pillow!

The wifey is moving back west in a few weeks. I am so happy, I can't even explain it. These past few months without her in my life have been hell. I have grown as a person, you can't help but grow when you face adversity, but having her back would mean so much to me. I really hope we can work things out. I love her, so much. I guess it took her doing this to really understand that love. It is one thing to say it everyday, but to really feel it, deep in your bones, is something special. Basically, you know love is true when something is taken away from you, and you realize it was the only thing you ever wanted. I could very easily just say, screw it, and find someone else, there are plenty of choices, Im sure. But I dont want any of it. Not a one. That's an exciting feeling, I must say. Maybe I am naive. My friend recently worked things out with his wife, and they were separated for 7 months. That gives me hope in the sense that I am not ridiculous thinking that we can still work things out. Then again, I really have no idea what is going on in her mind or in her life for that matter. She could have shaved her head and joined a cult where they pray to a mango and think your soul goes to a garage in Cleveland when you die. Who knows?

Martin Sheen threw out the first pitch for an Orioles game in line with his role on West Wing. He is the first fictional President to throw out a first pitch since George W. Bush.

I don't believe in isms. A person should not believe in an ism. They should believe in themselves. It was John Lennon who said, I dont believe in Beatles, I just believe in me. Then again, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus, doesnt change the fact that I dont have a car.....

MMM, Cherry Coke! And now, M&Ms. Now if I could only figure out why Im such a fat ass.....hmmmmm....

New and Improved

"It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the decency to thank her."
-W.C. Fields

Good morning my cherubs! Just in case you didn't notice, comments have been added. (The comments are here, the comments are here!) Feel free to tell me what a dope I am by just clicking on the link at the end of any of my rants. There is also an additional rolling list of interesting websites I have visited recently, so look for that to the right under the archives. Finally, the archives are now weekly. I have no idea why. I guess it just looks like I've done more than I have.

What is this obsession with developing a catch phrase? Everyone wants to see their words on a t-shirt or a bumper sticker I guess. Im listening to the radio, and this guy just gave a quick local news report, and closed out with, "Folks....that's a keeper!" Pardon me, ahem...ahem.....what the hell does that mean!??!?! Just say, Good Day, or Good Bye, or nothing at all. I love Sportscenter, but now everyone feels this need to come up with the next great catch phrase. Its like nicknames, either it happens or it doesnt. It can't be forced. T-Bone!

It's official. I am a moron. I know, there has been a lot of speculation, but now, the verdict is in. The jury has found me guilty on all counts. So last night, my roommates decided to celebrate St Swizzlesticks Day or whatever it was, and had a beer or twelve. So at 3 am, I had a choice: Tell them to turn the tv down and shut up, or kill myself. I contemplated door number two, but went with the mystery box and put in ear plugs. Good idea, right? First of all, it's stupid. I can't hear my roommates now, but suddenly every breath I take sounds like a 747 parked in my driveway. Meanwhile, I can hear my heart beating so loud, it's like the one-armed drummer from Def Leppard doing a solo on my ear drum. Anyways, totally oblivious to the outside world, what do you think happened? Of course, I missed my alarm. Why wouldn't I? I wake up like 45 minutes late, going, gee, why didnt my alarm go off? Take the ear plugs out, and the thing is blaring at me. Verrrrrrry intelligent.....

The worst injury is that giant scrape on the leg or the elbow or whatever from sliding on something rough. Like skinned knees on the concrete, or scrapes on thes shin from astro turf or a giant gash on the arm from asphault. Its not the injury that hurts so much, its when you get home, and get in the shower. A little soap, then the water washes it out, and man does that sting! Oh, the agony! You see someone go into the bathroom with a towel and a scrape, expect to hear them screaming for 10 seconds sometime in the near future.

Im fat. There is no cure.

Heard some interesting dialogue this morning about the no-smoking laws in New York and California. Of course, by interesting, I mean, ignorant and moronic. Everyone takes an issue like this and totally overanalyzes it. I can't believe that people who smoke are still whining about not being able to smoke in bars and restaraunts. Im no economist, but I dont see alot of bars going out of business. California has had the ban for some time now, and everyone has adapted. They go outside to smoke, they come back. It's all good. Meanwhile, the rest of us don't go home reeking to high heaven. I know that when I go to vegas, I bring a separate linen bag, and I come back from the casinos or the clubs, and take off every last stich of clothes, and throw them in a bag, and throw that bag in the closet, cause those clothes stink. Ever been in a place with so much smoke, that when you shower, you can actually see the smoke being washed off of you? That is just not cool. No night out is so important that I need to come home looking like a chimney sweep from Mary Poppins. On the other side of the issue, why does the government make cigarettes legal, then make smoking them in certain places illegal? It's like, these things are so dangerous, that you cant use them in other people's vicinity....however, feel free to bang out a pack or two a day all alone. Huh? It's sort of like, no drinking in public. Why? Hey, getting loaded is fine, just make sure you do it behind closed doors. Whatever happened to telling the other squares, hey, don't like it, turn your head. That bad boy is on a swivel!

One last smoking issue. Who was the moron that came up with smoking and non-smoking sections? It's smoke! You can't contain it. And there used to be smoking and non-smoking on airplanes! Airplanes! It's a freaking tube, you can't control the smoke! Does it really take a genius to see this? Why smoke in an airplane anyways? Just baste and sauce me, cause Im coming out soft and tender like smoked tenderloin. Hey, let's turn transportation into a slow roaster. Great idea. I blame the Euros.

Cherry pop tarts are the best flavor. I will not argue about this.

My back is better today. So is my knee. However, I gashed my leg, and my thumb is still tender. I have to take an evidence final tonight, and my handwriting is gonna look like Christopher Reeves' signature. Im wondering if I should just put a note at the top telling my professor why she is reading about privilege and expert testimony in absolute chicken scratch. I can see it now, "This is law school, not medical school!"

There is this commercial for Kay Jewlers where this little girl tells her dad that she wants to get this 700 dollar diamond ring for her mom, or something like that, then gives her dad a jar full of pennies saying "This is enough, right?" Then the idiot says, "Its more than enough!" What are you teaching your kid? That you can buy diamonds for a buck seventeen? Then the mom gets it, and the little kid says, "I got it all by myself!" The hell you did, you little broke bastage! Don't teach your kids such stupid stuff. They bring you a penny jar and ask to buy diamonds, you say, oh hell no, you better get a job or a loan if you wanna get something that expensive. This stupid kid is gonna be 30 years old, walking into a Lexus dealer laying down a 50 cent piece as a downpayment. "This is enough right?"

Poor Eli Manning! He got drafted by the San Diego Chargers, and didn't want to play here. Let me say that again: This yahoo, from Mississippi, didn't want to move to San Diego. Hmmmm, great weather, beaches, sunshine, beautiful women......can you really blame him? What a disaster it would be to live here! Oh, poor poor Eli! To think, he almost got to live in Southern California and make 7 million dollars a year. Better to demand a trade to New York where they will boo this guy if he gets a bad haircut. And remember, E-whine, in December, when you are freezing your Manning-hood off, you can't come back to SD. You are stuck. Enjoy the slush and your condo in Jersey.

Im not afraid to steal a good idea. I will now introduce a segment I am stealing from Todd Wright's All Night show on ESPN Radio. A quick look at the week's latest in a matrimonial format.....

Something Old: The Bachelor. This is a tired tired show. The idea is played out, and the premise is getting more and more ridiculous. Now, I am supposed to follow the exploits of a good looking professional football player who apparantly can't find a girlfriend without the help of a major TV show? I couldnt care less about him and his pack of gold diggers (and that is what they are). This is an idea which has run its course. Let's move on to the next abomination, please.

Something New: Two things. First, this guy is enjoying his 15 minutes of fame, as the emails make the rounds, and the topic fills air time on the radio. Check out his ad and enjoy the silliness with everyone else. The other thing, Ultimate Vodka. Next time you find yourself in a high end bar, ask for it by name. There is a blue bottle (pictured in the link) and a red bottle. Get the red bottle. It is the crispest vodka I have ever tasted, infused with black cherry flavoring. Unbelievably good. It was about 12 bucks a glass, but, eh, live a little.

Something Borrowed: I already talked about Ced the Entertainer (Im a grown ass man!) remaking Back to School, so I wont rehash that. Have you seen the new Sprite commercials? This new puppet, Myles Thirst? Kinda funny, but a direct rip off of Lil Penny from the old Nike commercials. So obvious, I dont think Sprite would even claim otherwise. Show em my motto! Obey your thirst? Should be Obey your Attorney....that looks like an IP issue to me!

Something Blue: Knicks fans. Another playoff run, another sweep. This time at the hands of the Jersey Nets, who will soon be in Brooklyn stealing the Knick dollar. Props to Isiah Thomas for another job well done! The man who (a) screwd up the Raptors, (b) bankrupted the CBA, (c) went nowhere with the Pacers, the most talented team in the East, and now (d) rebuilt the Knicks into a mediocre money stealing lump of a "team" that has the ability to both tantalize and frustrate. I swear, if we elected Isiah president, we'd get annexed by Canada.

Is it wrong that I have this narrow view of the rest of the country? I literally think about the Midwest and the South, and think that it is some sort of intellectual black hole. I know Im wrong, I know there are plenty of sophisticated, smart people in these places, but maybe not per capita. Is that a bad thing that that is the impression I get? Im listening to this station from Cedar Rapids, Iowa, and they just did a stock market report. All I could think was, "Who in Iowa is worried about the Dow Jones?" Meanwhile, I know there are plenty of people that do, but on the whole, I cant imagine radios knobs around Iowa are turning up the volume to hear the Nasdaq report. Billy Bob in Diresville probably doesn't have much of a portfolio. Ive driven through this think tank, and Im guessing most of these people couldn't tell preferred stock from live stock, and most think and ESPP is like, SUPER psychic powers!

A Case of the Mondays

"Its 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses."
-Elwood Blues

What is it about the East Coast sports fan that makes them so damn angry? Honestly, I can't relate. I am a West Coast fan, and well, nothing gets so damn serious out here, plain and simple. You look at Southern Californians, and they can sit in two hours of traffic to go 3 miles, so you know they know patience. It is safe to assume that a 5 game losing streak by the Dodgers won't exactly create a riot. Hell, they have no football team, and I am sure only 1 in 5 residents of the greater LA area even know who the Kings are. Meanwhile, you go up to the Bay Area, where we are a little more uptight. But up there, only Raider fans really give a damn, and that is more a byproduct of them being angry with life in general. But even Raider fans won't boo the home team, however, they have been known to be guilty of attempted murder on fans of other teams. But that's part of their charm! As for Niner fans, well, if you really want to get them riled, serve a Cabernet with fish.....woo hoo! The sparks will fly! Back to the point, these East Coast sports fans. They boo everything! In New York, they booed their favorite player, the most beloved Yankee of them all, Derek Jeter! Then you see these Philly fans, where they will boo a 7 year old for dropping a foul ball. These people booed Santa Claus for crying out loud. Why are they all so bitter out there? You'd think these people had nothing else going on in their life. I like sports, but not so much I want to abuse somebody as badly as I can.....

Ever see The Blues Brothers? They spend the whole movie abusing this old police car they bought at an auction. Finally, they get to the final scene, they get out of the car, run 5 feet, and the entire car falls apart. Literally, every piece falls off into a heap of junk. That's my body right there. Pushing 30, years and years of sports and abuse....and now, it's just falling apart. I have had injuries, and sprains, and all of that. One back surgery, and a couple broken legs. But nothing habitual. Now, I sit here....broken, thumb, sprained knee, and back spasms. All at the same time. What the hell happened to me? By the end of the year, parts will just start falling off. The odds of me being a parapalegic by the end of December are so good they are off the board.

Weird dynamic in my life. It's been like this for a while. For some reason, my sports skills don't carry over. Over the summer, I can hit, my arm is in great shape, I am just mentally focused on baseball. But the minute basketball season starts, I can't hit anymore. I get a sore shoulder or elbow, its like I can't play anymore. But during the summer, my basketball skills suck, and they dont come back until the fall. It's the weirdest thing. Just last weekend, after playing very good basketball for months, and suffering from a sore elbow, I went out, and my arm felt great, I was throwing bullets. But I sucked on the basketball court the same weekend. Why can't I do both? I think it is a focus thing....

Movie Review: OUT OF TIME
Starring Denzel Washington and Eva Mendes, this is, well, a mediocre movie. Obviously, any movie with Denzel is going to be watchable, and Eva Mendes, well, she is inherently watchable no matter what she is doing. Id watch her in a musical version of Ishtar. The movie tries to be a thriller, with twists and turns. It has a couple, but in the end, the suprises are obvious, and the underlying plot his full of more holes than a whiffle ball. Is it a decent rental? I suppose. If the better films are off the shelf, give it a shot. Try not to expect too much, and you should be ok.
3/5 Stars.

Movie Review: 21 GRAMS
Yes, I have either been very busy watching movies, or it has been a long time since I did a movie review. A little of both, I would imagine. For all of Out of Time's mediocrity, 21 Grams did not fail to disappoint. The title refers to the fact (supposedly) that your body loses exactly 21 grams of weight the minute you die. (roughly the weight of 10 nickels) The question is what that 21 grams makes up, with many speculating that it is the your body losing its soul. This film takes the route of indy shocker Requiem For a Dream, taking raw emotions and harsh realities, using them as a device to tell a story about three lives and their collision. Benicio Del Toro and Naomi Watts are exceptional. Their struggle in dealing with their inner demons and their inability to make something out of the second chances they get is incredibly compelling. The story behind Del Toro's character, an ex-convict who commits to religion, only to feel betrayed is incredibly believable and amazingly real. Sean Penn was highly lauded for his performance here, but I must confess, I was not completely sold. Perhaps it was the immense flaws in his character that hid his work. His obsession with Watts, not to mention his refusal to quit smoking after his heart transplant......I felt like he was the focal point of this film, but in the end, I found him to be the most reprehensible of the three. I lacked any compassion for him at all, and I am not sure that was the desired emotion the filmmakers were looking for. Then again, maybe it was. This is a movie about second chances, but not about making the most of them, but rather, about people's inability to succeed when given that second chance. There is a hidden lesson here that not everyone makes the most of life. Sometimes, you just can't get on track. Rent this movie, but wait fo the right time to watch it. It demands your undivided attention, and will wear you down emotionally. An excellent film. 4.5/5 stars.

Do you notice that companies have finally stopped kidding themselves? I was watching the Comedy Central celebration for being 13 years on the air. The host, Adam Corolla, commented that Comedy Central had created a niche, catering to the needs of that all important demographic of 18-34 year old....stoners. It was a joke, but was it really that far off? Meanwhile, McDonalds initially tried to advertise to that incredibly valuable demographic of multi-racial basketball teams who play on roller blades. They have switched over, and are now advertising their breakfast menu to those people who are just getting home from a night out at sunrise. Doesn't this just strike people as fascinating? Their ads are basically saying, "When you are out getting drunk until 6 in the morning, and you need something greasy to soak up the alcohol before you go to bed until 8 pm, stop at Mickey D's for food!" Why don't they just come out and say that they are the low cost alternative to Denny's? It is just amazing that these companies are embracing what they really are? I mean, if Dennys doesnt think it is simply a last stop on a night of partying, they are kidding themselves. And 7-11, stop telling us you are a great place for hot dogs and sodas.....all you are is the last chance to get a case of Miller before 2 am. Just have a commercial, "On a last minute beer run? Get down to 7-11." I mean, don't they sell rolling papers at 7-11? What are those for? Are people rolling their own cigarettes still? Is this the wild west or something? Come on, lets all just be honest, huh? Its like Chris Rock was saying, why are ATMs available for 24 hours? Have you ever pulled out 300 bucks at 3 am for something positive? Let's all just be honest with ourselves.......

As far as commercials go, what is the deal with the casting of these things? I have alot of friends of different ethnicities, but it's always mixed differently. For some reason, every group of friends on TV is one black guy, one white guy, a mexican guy, and asian. And somehow, they all have the same things in common. This country is full of idiots, but those of us with money who are going to buy your products....we aren't stupid. Don't lie to us, and we will respect you. But they keep giving us these lame, unbelievable commercials that just insult us. Oh yeah, that looks just like my life! Wow, a bar full of nothing but hot chicks, I see that all the time! Just be honest with me. Buy our slacks, they fit well, and arent too expensive. Drink our beer, it tastes good, and itsnt too expensive. Drink our soda, it tastes good, and you like sugar. Eat at our restaurant, its good, and not too expensive. That is ALL we care about. Dont try and convince me that every time I go to Applebees the place is hopping like a Britney concert. Im smarter than that. Nobody does three cartwheels over steak fajitas.

This is going to sound wrong, but if you think about, aren't I right? Alot of people say we need to recognize military personnel because they allow us to live free. I agree, I love the military, and a great deal of my family has served. I may yet serve after law school. However, is the military really in Iraq to preserve our freedom? Look, WW I and WW II were about controlling situations that literally threatened the peace of the world. But was Iraq on their way over here to take over the US? Were we all in danger of being jailed or enslaved by the making Iraqi army? Unless Fallujah was paddling over here on their rafts with bags of rocks to take over the US, I dont see what the threat was. It's not freedom that is being protected, but more like life. Ensuring that we aren't attacked and killed in great numbers like 9/11. It just seems so easy for people to say "preserve our freedom", but our freedom is preserved on a DAILY basis, but the judicial system of the US. Our government's dedication to following the principals of the Constituion is so amazing. The fact that one document, basically saying, we all have equal rights to pursue happiness, controls our way of life.....that is just wild. History is littered with power hungry men who have conned their way into positions to control the lives of others, enhancing their egos by stripping freedom from others. To be able to say that has not happened in this country is amazing. Im rambling....

The History Channel is doing a show where they investigate historical ambiguities, in some sort of detective show format. Is this really a pressing need? Are there honestly people on the edge of their seat for the True Hollywood Story: Napolean? Short French dude. Is there really anything else we need to know? Abe Lincoln - on the penny, ended slavery. Ok, that's about it, right? Im not sure I need a team of historians pouring over the personal journal of the guy who mowed the White House lawn to see if there is any mention of Lincoln ever showing an allergic reaction to dairy. I just don't care....

You've gotta respect these people from crappy little countries who are so patriotic. It is so easy to be from the US and to break out into the U! S! A! chant. We kick ass at everything. We are a bunch of front runners. Our country is a dynasty. We are the Yankees of the world. But you see these people, just super patriotic, "Yes! Panama is number 1! Pa-na-ma! Pa-na-ma!" You have to have some serious heart to root for your crappy little country.

Let me close with something that is bothering the hell out of me. When did we run out of ideas? How old is society? Couple thousand years? The US is what, almost 250. I just read that they will be remaking the movie Back to School. Remember that one? 1986, starring Rodney Dangerfield. OK, I realize that is almost 20 years ago, but still, how many of us know that one pretty damn well? It's still fresh in the mind. It is the equivalent of remaking The Breakfast Club, or Vacation or Weird Science. Would anyone dare to do that? It's bad enough we have musicians (I use the term lightly) already taking beats from songs that are barely a year old, and singing over them with new lyrics, but the movie business is getting ridiculous. Between the remakes and the TV show adaptations, I am wondering if anyone has a creative thought in the whole city of Los Angeles. And what kills me is, the most popular movies, the ones that get so much love from the critics and movie-goers, are these independant films, which are actually creative and new. You would think these major studios would make the cheaper films, and realize a smaller profit. No, that's not good enough. Better to do a Fat Albert movie, tie it in with a Happy Meal and action figures, and hope for 5 sequels. Pathetic....