2006 Supplemental NBA Draft Diary
In humble homage to ESPN's Bill Simmons, I present to you a supplement to his annual Draft Diary. Often restricted from ripping on the analysts due to his ESPN affiliation, I am not constrained. Consider this diary as an adendum, an exhibit if you will, to his master list.
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It's "The Mecca"! I come to you from sunny San Diego with trusty draftmate "Wit", aka The East Coast Bias, blowing up my IM from the beachfront. Over/Under on his demanding Gerry McNamara go lottery - 28.
4:18 PST - Our talking heads for the night: Jay Bilas in a striped purple tie from the Burlington Coat Factory; Greg Anthony, doing his best Too Short impression; Dan Patrick (and a crew of stylists and bad joke writers); and the always entertaining Stephen A. Smith. What does the "A" stand for I wonder? "Austistic" is the first word that comes to mind.....
4:19 - We have a trade! The official report is that the Celtics get Sebastian Telfair, Theo Ratliff, and a 2008 second round pick (or as they call it on the Knicks, a first rounder) in exchange for the 7th pick, Raef Lafrentz, and Dan Dickau. Absolutely idiotic trade. Mostly, Marcus Williams is better than Telfair, hands down. Bassy was third on the depth chart in Portland (behind superstars Steve Blake and Jarret Jack, ew), yet Boston is willing to dump the 7th pick to get a guy that once went 13th? And they also threw in a decent backup in Dickau and a starting front court player in LaFrentz. Admittedly, they got alot of contract off the books so they can bring in Iverson, and this allows them to play Delonte West at the 2 and to get Al "Can I get 7 fouls?" Jefferson on the floor more, where he is a rebounding beast. Intriguing is Portland bringing in a couple of "character guys," perhaps to downplay the usual opinion of their team.
4:21 - Shot of the Green Room, starting with JJ Reddick whose mom is decked out in a silver wig and a fuscia coat. Someone stole JJ's chest. Now looking at Morrison and Reddick playing video games online. Say what you want about the draft class of '86, but they knew how to spend their off time. Consider this the "dork draft."
4:24 - First sighting of "The Wanderer", Stu Scott, and Mark Jones, both doing floor interviews. Really unfortunate how that worked out. Mark Jones is what Stu Scott was trying to be, a good sportscaster with some street cred. Instead, Scott became the first clown to get a full time gig on TV since Bozo. Captain Kangaroo had more street cred then The Wanderer.
4:30 - This may be the worst draft in many years, maybe ever. There is maybe one guy who can become a superstar (Gay) and just a slew of players who have either reached their ceiling (Reddick), can't play defense (Morrison), probably won't develop (Aldridge, Thomas) or are allergic to the paint (Bargnani). Expect teams to either go with seniors who can help immediately, or foreigners they can stash overseas.
Overrated: Reddick, Morrison, Ronnie Brewer, Hitlon Armstrong, Cedric Simmons, Rodney Carney
Underrated: Marcus Williams, Quincy Douby, James White (huge sleeper)
4:34 - Stern is here! Let the draft begin! Raptors on the clock, and Bargnani the likely pick. I wish Greg Oden was in the stands just to bother Stern, heckling him incessantly. Just imagine Toronto taking Bargnani, and Oden standing up and screaming, "That's my jersey! Thanks for taking food out of my mouth, Stern!"
4:36 - The East Coast Bias (ECB) is on board, and has already rated Stern as "Jewey" and Bilas' a solid 14 on the Gay-O-Meter. We would both like to parlay our law degrees into commentator jobs on ESPN like him and Len Elmore. One problem, neither of us is 7 foot or All ACC. If you want to be picky....
4:38 - Bargnani goes first overall. Rail thin, excellent perimeter shooter. Looks like a stiff breeze from the MSG A/C might knock him over. They keep calling him Nowitzki-esque, but he can't bang, and won't rebound. Poor man's Matt Bullard? Nice footage of his highlights. I haven't seen game tape like that since Milan took the '44 state title. Good front line though, with Bosh, Bargnani, and Unfrozen Caveman Forward, aka Villanueva. (I don't understand your jumpshots, they frighten me...Im just a caaaaaaaaveman......)
4:39 - This in from the ECB: "Fran Fraschilla recruited a buddy of mine, he came to a couple of our games in HS. Faced with the prospect of joining a recruiting class of all black dudes including Ron Artest, he assuaged my buddies fears by saying "I don't see colors" I think what he meant to say was if Ron wants to verbally or physically assault any and all members of our basketball family, the fact that he is black will not be a problem."
4:40 - Stu Scott interviewing Bargnani. Should be genius. The Wanderer opened with "Molto bene" which means "very good". Not sure what he meant there. Bargnani speaking broken english like a foreigner trying to steal you girlfriend at a dark club. Hat looks good on him, too bad they dont make them in his size....
4:44 - Chicago Bulls select Lamarcus Aldridge. Solid player, probably has a good future, but for all the ability he shows, has he ever dominated? I can't remember ever watching him and going nuts over anything he did. Nice little turn around, but not a beast as a rebounder, not a beast on defense. Reminds me more of an athletic Bill Cartwright. Ouch.
Bilastrator says Aldridge to Portland. Probably a good idea with Pryzbilla likely to leave as a free agent. Bulls eyeing Ty Thomas with Portland's fourth pick. Probably a better fit, and allows Bulls to deal Chandler.
4:47 - Consensus is that this draft is so bad that no one even wants to pick. Good chance every pick between this and 10 gets dealt.
4:48 - Gotta love Chris Bosh. Asked about getting Bargnani, said he had no idea about his game, even though he played him in an exhibition game. Chris Bosh - needs to work on: Awareness.
4:48 - Charlotte Bobcats select Adam Morrison. Bilas just called a guy how hasnt gotten a haircut or a shave in 4 years "polished." Great college player who led the nation in scoring against teams like St Marys and Santa Clara. Will be a nice roll player, but dont compare him to Bird or Mullin or even Tom Chambers. Nice of Dan Patrick to announce the pick by following it up with, "Has diabetes!" Is this gonna be a trend all night? With the 4th pick, Tyrus Thomas. Tyrus got the clap last night from a groupie! And, he has dandruff!
4:55 - Ty Thomas to the Blazers, with a rumor he is going to the Bulls for Aldridge. Great athlete, came out of nowhere. I'd love to rave about his skills, but he is wearing a purple sweater vest under a black suit! That is epic! First guy to say, screw buying a pimp suit for this draft, Ill just go in the closet and wear my church clothes.
4:57 - Too Short says he doesn't understand why Portland would send Victor Khryapa to the Bulls just to make sure they got Aldridge, saying he would have slipped to 4 anyways. Its a great move...they get Aldridge and get rid of Khryapa. Stephen A Smith should just go buy his full name like a serial killer.
4:59 - Worst question in history just asked. I have to quote it perfectly: "Simone Augustus of LSU went number one in the WNBA draft. What did she tell you about this night?" UnBEEleivable question from the Wanderer. Considering the WNBA draft is conducted in the party room at a Secaucus, NJ Olive Garden, with player introduced by Carrot Top, I dont think she can tell him much of anything.
5:01 - Atlanta takes Sheldon Williams. Worst kept secret on the planet. Everyone was reporting that the landlord had a promise from Atlanta, and the only thing bad about this pick was the slim hope that the Hawks would stiff him and take a player they actually needed. Let's go to Vitale for his thoughts......no, no, let's not.
Sheldon Williams has one eye on each side of his head. I haven't seen peepers like that since Sloth in the Goonies.
5:07 - Outside now, time to grill this tri-tip. Brandon Roy on the board, Minnesota needs him, he's there.....so, McHale will take Pat O'Bryant for sure. If Roy slips to 7, Simmons likely to commit suicide.
5:08 - Minnesota selects Brandon Roy. Miracle. They got one right. Clearly why Boston traded out of the 7 spot. Im sure McHale and Ainge talk a bit. They wanted Roy or nobody, so they got a young point guard, and got some cap space. We'll see how that plays out.
5:10 - Stephen A just said Roy needs to step up to replace the lack of production from Marko Jaric, who is a PG. Someone get the serial killer a depth chart. Boston now picking for Portland. Getting giddy, I think Rudy Gay might slip to the Warriors. Has the most talent, even though he may be a total bust, but with the Warriors, better to get a talented bust, because they usually take a garbage player who just does what he is supposed to do - suck.
5:15 - Wow, Too Short just made a GREAT point. People are complaining that Gay did not take over when he was in college, but Anthony just pointed out that Jordan and Grant Hill did the same thing back then.
5: 16 - Blazers just added Foye, Aldridge and LaFrentz, and lost Sebastian Telfair. I never thought I would say that Portland is the smartest team in the room...ECB with a great point. Apparently the tape from the Nova-Florida game has been destroyed, because if any GM saw it, Foye would be in the NBDL.
Foye just went 8th overall in the NBA draft, and Stumanji opens by recounting the death of his dad and his mom abandoning him. Welcome to Up With People!
5:22 - Houston selects Rudy Gay, and breaks my heart. Apparently, Houston is going to deal him for Shane Battier??? I am stunned. Must stop posting for a second...Im just mad that the Warriors didn't get Gay. I had a whole slew of jokes about his jersey selling out in San Francisco, but Im sure a Warriors jersey that says "Gay" is already the number one seller.......oh well, is Todd Fuller available?
There is no one out there I want other than Marcus Williams, the best PG in the draft. If the Warriors grab anyone else, it will be a bad pick.
But Gay for Battier? ECB says Jeff Van Gundy just jumped the shark.
Vitale says Jerry West is a genius for trading Shane Battier for Rudy Gay. I could have shown my mom 5 minutes of tape on both players, and she would have made the trade.
5:29 - Yup, Warriors take BSA (Best Stiff Available), Patrick O'Bryant. For the fan who misses Adonyl Foyle when he leaves the game, here you go. A good irishman, but a bad hooper. Ill have more to say once I think about it. Passing on Marcus Williams was very Warrior of them.
5:32 - Just had to run and save the neighbor's dog, who was about to get eaten by Lucky through a fence. Good dog Lucky, but they hate us enough in this complex without you eating the poodles. It would help if the idiot lady in the sun hat put that mutt on a leash.
5:34 - Rumors of another trade. NO ONE wants to be there. Interviewing Patrick O'Bryant. Stu asked "What is it about your game that no one knows?" "Shot blocking" he says. He is seven feet tall, and every highlight of him was of him blocking a shot.
Im about to get VERY bored with this draft. There isnt a good player left on the planet who is eligible to get drafted.
5:35 - Seattle selects the Senegalese guy. His name isnt important. Why learn the name of a guy who won't be in the league in two years. He has a great wingspan. Good. That will come in handy when you need a guy to open both doors in a cab at the same time. Guy apparently played well in Belgium, where all the best players go. They say two years ago he couldnt hit a lay-up, so he is "raw." A cadaver would have produced the same result. They should have drafted Kareem., he probably provide more upside. ECB calls him Frederick Weis without the upside.
5:41 - Really hoping Reddick is last in the Green Room. Funny how 20 years ago, 10 dope heads went in the lottery, and now no one wants a guy with a DUI. America is losing its upside.
Would really like 'Lil John to stop showing up on my TV. Thanks!
5:42 - Orlando takes JJ Reddick and a public defender to be named later. Vitale looks like a proud father in the delivery room. Just realized Otis Smith is the Magic GM, which makes this pick more understandable. My take on Reddick: He has reached his ceiling. He busted his ass to become one of the best shooters in college, and used all his talents to their max. Even if he works hard at the NBA level, he will never be more than a Steve Kerr type. He may never create his own shot in the NBA, unless Adam Morrison guards him. I liked Reddick the first time he played in the league, when he called himself Shane Heal.
Everyone on the panel loves this pick, which means it is DOOMED. Bilas says Reddick will start. I agree. For Roanoke. (ECB - Bilas craps out of his mouth)
Stu Scott just pointed out that Reddick scored more points in the ACC than Michael Jordan and Len Bias. Um, they played two years each.....ECB is confident Reddick won't outscore either of them in the NBA. Bias included.
5:47 - Hornets select Hilton Armstrong, and guarentee to never get another rebound. This takes the lead as worst pick in the draft, and will be very hard to top. Im feeling better about Patrick O'Bryant now....Marcus Williams gets the Paul Pierce/Caron Bulter/Chris Paul award for "Guy who will come back and haunt everyone who passed up on him." Think the NBA version of Randy Moss as far as the OOPS factor goes.
5:51 - I just basted the tri tip with BBQ sauce. It's long, and has tremendous upside.
5:53 - A trade to announce! Wow, its the Boston/Portland trade. Thanks. Stern has also announced that we have put men on the moon and the results of the 1980 presidential election.
5:54 - Sixers select the Swiss guy. Rumor has it he's good. How the hell would anyone know. I almost think this guy is made up and doesn't really exist. Someone is shaking Stern's hand, but I bet he's an intern.
I sit corrected. Great highlights, this guy was a solid pick. Thabo Sefolosha, looks incredibly athletic, almost like Rudy Gay, but he may actually give a damn. Andy Katz says this pick was made for the Bulls, who keep getting better and better. Wow. Great day for Paxson, who has proven to be a star as a GM.
6:02 - Jazz select Ronnie Brewer. The worst jump shot in modern hoops history. Dear lord, he might have a future in the WNBA, but if this guy isn't a bust, I don't know hoops. At least he is from Fayetville, because there is an NBDL team there, so he can sleep in his own bed.
A trade! Minn trades Brandon Roy for Randy Foye and cash. That may be the stupidest trade ever. I can't even explain it. Are the Wolves so broke they just wanted a couple bucks and took Roy to spite the Blazers? I would have thought a better player would have more value.
6:08 - Missed the Hornets taking Cedric Simmons, who proves one thing - 28 is a magic number. Pat O'Bryant went for 28 against Pitt, and Simmons 28 against Duke, and both of those games got them in the lottery. Too bad that's the last time either will score 28 in a sanctioned game...
6:15 - Mark it. ECB and I agree with Bilas for the first time, as he calls Marcus Williams best PG in the draft.
6:18 - Pacers take Shawne Williams. Just a boring pick. Has great talent, but won't really contribute next year. Could be the next Trevor Ariza, would have fit well with the Knicks. Maybe a reach, but Pacers have no real needs.
6:25 - Olecksiy Petrov goes to Washington. Guy's name looks like an eye chart. Let me guess, he's from Europe, so he must be about 6'10 and he can shoot from the perimeter. Yup, big shocker. Seriously, what do the box scores look like in Europe? Leading rebounder gets what, 5 boards a game? Do they know what an offensive rebound is there? I may be getting sick of euros...
6:29 - Sacramento selects Quincy Douby. FEE nomenal pick. I love this pick. 25 pts a game at Rutgers, this guy will really fit in the NBA, and should be instant offense for Eric Musselman's squad. Would have been better than 10 of the guys that went before him. Great shooter, which means he is Reddick with talent. Amazed that this guy doesn't get more love. Only problem is after Kelvin Martin and Francisco Garcia, the Kings have been taking guys like this for years. A big might have been good there, but really, this is the best player available.
6:32 - I will now defer to the ECB, who is a die hard Knicks fan. Of course, he immediately asks, "How will they f*&% this up?" Well Jon, so many possibilities!
Stat of the night: 42 starting lineups for the Knicks last year.
If Williams is the pick, the place will explode. Stern screws the crowd by announcing a trade first! Ha ha. He has been saving this trade for this moment. Important to let everyone know who is in charge. Cops are getting their riot gear.....
6:35 - Knicks select...........Renaldo Balkman! I love it, the new worst pick ever! This guy would have been there at 50. Short story on this guy, he went to a thin Orlando camp, and played well, about the 4th best player there (where no one went) and he played his way into the top of the second round. And the Knicks take him at 20. I can't kill this pick enough. I would rather have Hilton Armstrong #1 overall.
Im looking for the ECB reaction, and Im getting the soft, dulcet tones of a man in denial.
"at least this guy plays with energy."
"Dont laugh completely. There is a slight chance he could be a jerome williams type."
"The guy has an incredible motor."
for those of you who don't speak Desparation, let me translate.
"He can't shoot"
"Best case scenario, he sucks."
"He does suck."
Spike Lee is calling Balkman a sleeper. I think he means either he will be asleep during games, or Balkman plays like he is asleep. I love killing Isiah, and he is making it easy.
6:42 - Suns select Rajon Rondo for the Celtics, who will trade for him. Its part of that draft strategy: if you deal for a point guard who can't shoot (Telfair), make sure you draft a point guard to back him up who CANT SHOOT. Rondo may be the worst shooter in this draft, and Im counting the guy from Senegal and Greg Anthony. Seriously, if this guy is at the top of the key, the defense spreads out like Rondo farted. Good athlete, good physical build, he is a NBA caliber guy, but with Marcus Williams on the board, this move makes zero sense.
6:45 - ECB guarenteeing last laugh on Balkman pick. Set your calendars, my friends. 365 days of reckoning...
6:49 - Nets select Marcus Williams! Finally. Best player on the board, best point guard, and he ends up on a team with a PG. I guess he deserves it. Bilas just said he has 14% body fat. That's not good, but certainly not the red flag concerning most. Must improve: rap sheet.
Marcus Williams' sister...I mean mom, is completely insane. Just shouted down Mark Jones while refusing to look at him during the entire interview. I think her first name is Cliche, but Im not sure....
6:51 - Nets follow up a felon with Josh Boone. Awful, awful player. He can block shots. Great. Apparently, if you can block shots, I can make you a millionaire. Every big man so far has the exact same scouting report: blocks shots, cant rebound, cant shoot. Sounds like a recipe for success. I am so confused by the actions by NBA GMs, Im speechless.
Im also tired of the braids hanging in the back look. It's the black mullet, and it's garbage. Someone spread the word that it does NOT look good. Not me, someone else....
6:58 - Memphis takes Kyle Lowry. So Gay and Lowry in the backcourt. Not bad. Lowry isn't flashy. Quick, not much of a shooter. Tyronne Lue with a better haircut. I have zero opinion about this guy, he is so neutral, he should be from Switzerland too.
7:03 - Cleveland selects Shannon Brown. Decent pick. I don't think he's that great, but very athletic, decent shooter, but can really get to the rim. I watched him play alot in the Big Ten, and there was always something missing, like I always felt he should be doing more. This tells me LeBron will handle the ball, and Brown will work his way into the starting lineup. Much better than Eric Snow, to say the least. The real surprise is that Farmar is slipping....
Can I just say, ESPN sucks? The told me that Shawne Williams was from Wyoming already, that pissed me off. But I hate their attention to the marquee teams. I mean, they were talking so much about the Lakers that I thought it was the Lakers pick. Next thing I know, Cleveland is picking. Why can't they just focus on each team. I feel like Im inundated with the Lakers, the Red Sox, the Yankees and the Cowboys. Lots of other teams out there guys. Lots of other fans....I swear, the Warriors picked, and it was like a fart in church. Place is dead silent, and they can't wait to move on. Im starting to wonder if the Warriors are still in the league. We might have to bring in Larry Brown to honestly get any attention outside the Bay Area. Ok, getting dizzy up on my soapbox....
7:09 - Lakers select Jordan Farmar. Perfect fit. Good point guard, he will defer to Kobe and Lamar, no problem. Local kid, will be loved at Staples. This pick makes so much sense, I dont get to rip it. Damnit! Must improve: Perm.
Wow, someone nudged Stephen A awake. I really wish they hadn't. Guy is screaming now. He's like a hose with a nozzle on it. Just sits there, building up pressure, then sprays in your face...
7:16 - Suns take Sergio Rodriguez, apparently for Portland, who has bought the pick. Basically, Paul Allen is just buying players like free agents in this draft. It is quite disconcerting. This could start a new trend. Dont tell Steinbrenner about this. He'll buy the Knicks, then buy the first 10 picks each season...
On the other side, the Suns traded both of their picks for cash. Someone get these guys a small business loan. I dont want to hear about Colangelo getting picked up at the bus station turning tricks so he can pay Shawn Marion....
7:19 - Sorry, dozed off. Jim Gray just interviewed Mitch Kupchek who was doing his Crazy Joe Devola impression. That guy is the human equivalent of sominex.
7:20 - The rich get richer. Mavericks select Maurice Ager, who is Shannon Brown with a jump shot. Very explosive, as good as Josh Howard or Maurice Daniels. This is a great pick, and fits in with the system very well. This is why these teams are picking at the end of the draft. They know what they are doing.
7:24 - That was the greatest interview of all time, as Mark Jones grabbed a liquored up fan from the mosh pit, and he bowled Jones over while screaming, "Isiah's a bum!" I couldn't be more happy than I am now.
7:25 - Knicks select Mardy Collins. Good player, will add alot to a team that needs toughness and backcourt size. One problem, they have 11,275 guards on the roster. Then again, I really don't know what they are supposed to do. Trading up would have made more sense. They had the pieces to get to as high as 15, where they could have gotten a quality player. It's Isiah, I can't imagine what he is thinking.
7:28 - Interview with Mike D'Antoni's mustache, fresh off a Riverside movie set where he finished filming seX-Men and Forrest Hump.
7:29 - Dan Patrick: "Portland has been the most active so far, in regards to what they have done so far." I can't make that up....hour 3 and Im getting light headed....
7:30 - Portland takes Joel Freeland. Yes, the Joel Freeland from England. Good size, nice stroke. I think this may be a steal. They keep mentioning he used to bag groceries. Who cares, really. Like they all went from Jr High to the broadcast booth.
Stephen A says that its a complete waste of time to talk about Portland. Sorry man, you are so damn important, the last thing we want is to waste your time. You are an NBA ANALYST. It is your FREAKING JOB to talk about Portland. Actually, no, please talk more about the Lakers and the Knicks. Im still out of the loop on them. What is a complete waste of time is you talking, period.
So that's it, first round is over, which means no one else in the world eligible for this draft can get guarenteed money. Let's take a look at the biggest losers - guys who left early only to see Joel Freeland go before them: Daniel Gibson, PJ Tucker, Guillermo Diaz, Leon Powe, Curtis Stinson, Will Blalock....forget it, there are too many to mention. And just imagine if the HS guys had been available. Three would be ALOT of sad guys tonight.....
7:37 - I have created a petition. I can't listen to Stephen A Smith anymore, so we must get him to go away. Please sign this petition, and save me:
http://www.petitiononline.com/shutupA/petition.html
7:48 - Second round has started, and I missed the first three picks. Im hungry, and angry and tired. I will now retire the blog for the night, and wish you all good night and good luck.
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It's "The Mecca"! I come to you from sunny San Diego with trusty draftmate "Wit", aka The East Coast Bias, blowing up my IM from the beachfront. Over/Under on his demanding Gerry McNamara go lottery - 28.
4:18 PST - Our talking heads for the night: Jay Bilas in a striped purple tie from the Burlington Coat Factory; Greg Anthony, doing his best Too Short impression; Dan Patrick (and a crew of stylists and bad joke writers); and the always entertaining Stephen A. Smith. What does the "A" stand for I wonder? "Austistic" is the first word that comes to mind.....
4:19 - We have a trade! The official report is that the Celtics get Sebastian Telfair, Theo Ratliff, and a 2008 second round pick (or as they call it on the Knicks, a first rounder) in exchange for the 7th pick, Raef Lafrentz, and Dan Dickau. Absolutely idiotic trade. Mostly, Marcus Williams is better than Telfair, hands down. Bassy was third on the depth chart in Portland (behind superstars Steve Blake and Jarret Jack, ew), yet Boston is willing to dump the 7th pick to get a guy that once went 13th? And they also threw in a decent backup in Dickau and a starting front court player in LaFrentz. Admittedly, they got alot of contract off the books so they can bring in Iverson, and this allows them to play Delonte West at the 2 and to get Al "Can I get 7 fouls?" Jefferson on the floor more, where he is a rebounding beast. Intriguing is Portland bringing in a couple of "character guys," perhaps to downplay the usual opinion of their team.
4:21 - Shot of the Green Room, starting with JJ Reddick whose mom is decked out in a silver wig and a fuscia coat. Someone stole JJ's chest. Now looking at Morrison and Reddick playing video games online. Say what you want about the draft class of '86, but they knew how to spend their off time. Consider this the "dork draft."
4:24 - First sighting of "The Wanderer", Stu Scott, and Mark Jones, both doing floor interviews. Really unfortunate how that worked out. Mark Jones is what Stu Scott was trying to be, a good sportscaster with some street cred. Instead, Scott became the first clown to get a full time gig on TV since Bozo. Captain Kangaroo had more street cred then The Wanderer.
4:30 - This may be the worst draft in many years, maybe ever. There is maybe one guy who can become a superstar (Gay) and just a slew of players who have either reached their ceiling (Reddick), can't play defense (Morrison), probably won't develop (Aldridge, Thomas) or are allergic to the paint (Bargnani). Expect teams to either go with seniors who can help immediately, or foreigners they can stash overseas.
Overrated: Reddick, Morrison, Ronnie Brewer, Hitlon Armstrong, Cedric Simmons, Rodney Carney
Underrated: Marcus Williams, Quincy Douby, James White (huge sleeper)
4:34 - Stern is here! Let the draft begin! Raptors on the clock, and Bargnani the likely pick. I wish Greg Oden was in the stands just to bother Stern, heckling him incessantly. Just imagine Toronto taking Bargnani, and Oden standing up and screaming, "That's my jersey! Thanks for taking food out of my mouth, Stern!"
4:36 - The East Coast Bias (ECB) is on board, and has already rated Stern as "Jewey" and Bilas' a solid 14 on the Gay-O-Meter. We would both like to parlay our law degrees into commentator jobs on ESPN like him and Len Elmore. One problem, neither of us is 7 foot or All ACC. If you want to be picky....
4:38 - Bargnani goes first overall. Rail thin, excellent perimeter shooter. Looks like a stiff breeze from the MSG A/C might knock him over. They keep calling him Nowitzki-esque, but he can't bang, and won't rebound. Poor man's Matt Bullard? Nice footage of his highlights. I haven't seen game tape like that since Milan took the '44 state title. Good front line though, with Bosh, Bargnani, and Unfrozen Caveman Forward, aka Villanueva. (I don't understand your jumpshots, they frighten me...Im just a caaaaaaaaveman......)
4:39 - This in from the ECB: "Fran Fraschilla recruited a buddy of mine, he came to a couple of our games in HS. Faced with the prospect of joining a recruiting class of all black dudes including Ron Artest, he assuaged my buddies fears by saying "I don't see colors" I think what he meant to say was if Ron wants to verbally or physically assault any and all members of our basketball family, the fact that he is black will not be a problem."
4:40 - Stu Scott interviewing Bargnani. Should be genius. The Wanderer opened with "Molto bene" which means "very good". Not sure what he meant there. Bargnani speaking broken english like a foreigner trying to steal you girlfriend at a dark club. Hat looks good on him, too bad they dont make them in his size....
4:44 - Chicago Bulls select Lamarcus Aldridge. Solid player, probably has a good future, but for all the ability he shows, has he ever dominated? I can't remember ever watching him and going nuts over anything he did. Nice little turn around, but not a beast as a rebounder, not a beast on defense. Reminds me more of an athletic Bill Cartwright. Ouch.
Bilastrator says Aldridge to Portland. Probably a good idea with Pryzbilla likely to leave as a free agent. Bulls eyeing Ty Thomas with Portland's fourth pick. Probably a better fit, and allows Bulls to deal Chandler.
4:47 - Consensus is that this draft is so bad that no one even wants to pick. Good chance every pick between this and 10 gets dealt.
4:48 - Gotta love Chris Bosh. Asked about getting Bargnani, said he had no idea about his game, even though he played him in an exhibition game. Chris Bosh - needs to work on: Awareness.
4:48 - Charlotte Bobcats select Adam Morrison. Bilas just called a guy how hasnt gotten a haircut or a shave in 4 years "polished." Great college player who led the nation in scoring against teams like St Marys and Santa Clara. Will be a nice roll player, but dont compare him to Bird or Mullin or even Tom Chambers. Nice of Dan Patrick to announce the pick by following it up with, "Has diabetes!" Is this gonna be a trend all night? With the 4th pick, Tyrus Thomas. Tyrus got the clap last night from a groupie! And, he has dandruff!
4:55 - Ty Thomas to the Blazers, with a rumor he is going to the Bulls for Aldridge. Great athlete, came out of nowhere. I'd love to rave about his skills, but he is wearing a purple sweater vest under a black suit! That is epic! First guy to say, screw buying a pimp suit for this draft, Ill just go in the closet and wear my church clothes.
4:57 - Too Short says he doesn't understand why Portland would send Victor Khryapa to the Bulls just to make sure they got Aldridge, saying he would have slipped to 4 anyways. Its a great move...they get Aldridge and get rid of Khryapa. Stephen A Smith should just go buy his full name like a serial killer.
4:59 - Worst question in history just asked. I have to quote it perfectly: "Simone Augustus of LSU went number one in the WNBA draft. What did she tell you about this night?" UnBEEleivable question from the Wanderer. Considering the WNBA draft is conducted in the party room at a Secaucus, NJ Olive Garden, with player introduced by Carrot Top, I dont think she can tell him much of anything.
5:01 - Atlanta takes Sheldon Williams. Worst kept secret on the planet. Everyone was reporting that the landlord had a promise from Atlanta, and the only thing bad about this pick was the slim hope that the Hawks would stiff him and take a player they actually needed. Let's go to Vitale for his thoughts......no, no, let's not.
Sheldon Williams has one eye on each side of his head. I haven't seen peepers like that since Sloth in the Goonies.
5:07 - Outside now, time to grill this tri-tip. Brandon Roy on the board, Minnesota needs him, he's there.....so, McHale will take Pat O'Bryant for sure. If Roy slips to 7, Simmons likely to commit suicide.
5:08 - Minnesota selects Brandon Roy. Miracle. They got one right. Clearly why Boston traded out of the 7 spot. Im sure McHale and Ainge talk a bit. They wanted Roy or nobody, so they got a young point guard, and got some cap space. We'll see how that plays out.
5:10 - Stephen A just said Roy needs to step up to replace the lack of production from Marko Jaric, who is a PG. Someone get the serial killer a depth chart. Boston now picking for Portland. Getting giddy, I think Rudy Gay might slip to the Warriors. Has the most talent, even though he may be a total bust, but with the Warriors, better to get a talented bust, because they usually take a garbage player who just does what he is supposed to do - suck.
5:15 - Wow, Too Short just made a GREAT point. People are complaining that Gay did not take over when he was in college, but Anthony just pointed out that Jordan and Grant Hill did the same thing back then.
5: 16 - Blazers just added Foye, Aldridge and LaFrentz, and lost Sebastian Telfair. I never thought I would say that Portland is the smartest team in the room...ECB with a great point. Apparently the tape from the Nova-Florida game has been destroyed, because if any GM saw it, Foye would be in the NBDL.
Foye just went 8th overall in the NBA draft, and Stumanji opens by recounting the death of his dad and his mom abandoning him. Welcome to Up With People!
5:22 - Houston selects Rudy Gay, and breaks my heart. Apparently, Houston is going to deal him for Shane Battier??? I am stunned. Must stop posting for a second...Im just mad that the Warriors didn't get Gay. I had a whole slew of jokes about his jersey selling out in San Francisco, but Im sure a Warriors jersey that says "Gay" is already the number one seller.......oh well, is Todd Fuller available?
There is no one out there I want other than Marcus Williams, the best PG in the draft. If the Warriors grab anyone else, it will be a bad pick.
But Gay for Battier? ECB says Jeff Van Gundy just jumped the shark.
Vitale says Jerry West is a genius for trading Shane Battier for Rudy Gay. I could have shown my mom 5 minutes of tape on both players, and she would have made the trade.
5:29 - Yup, Warriors take BSA (Best Stiff Available), Patrick O'Bryant. For the fan who misses Adonyl Foyle when he leaves the game, here you go. A good irishman, but a bad hooper. Ill have more to say once I think about it. Passing on Marcus Williams was very Warrior of them.
5:32 - Just had to run and save the neighbor's dog, who was about to get eaten by Lucky through a fence. Good dog Lucky, but they hate us enough in this complex without you eating the poodles. It would help if the idiot lady in the sun hat put that mutt on a leash.
5:34 - Rumors of another trade. NO ONE wants to be there. Interviewing Patrick O'Bryant. Stu asked "What is it about your game that no one knows?" "Shot blocking" he says. He is seven feet tall, and every highlight of him was of him blocking a shot.
Im about to get VERY bored with this draft. There isnt a good player left on the planet who is eligible to get drafted.
5:35 - Seattle selects the Senegalese guy. His name isnt important. Why learn the name of a guy who won't be in the league in two years. He has a great wingspan. Good. That will come in handy when you need a guy to open both doors in a cab at the same time. Guy apparently played well in Belgium, where all the best players go. They say two years ago he couldnt hit a lay-up, so he is "raw." A cadaver would have produced the same result. They should have drafted Kareem., he probably provide more upside. ECB calls him Frederick Weis without the upside.
5:41 - Really hoping Reddick is last in the Green Room. Funny how 20 years ago, 10 dope heads went in the lottery, and now no one wants a guy with a DUI. America is losing its upside.
Would really like 'Lil John to stop showing up on my TV. Thanks!
5:42 - Orlando takes JJ Reddick and a public defender to be named later. Vitale looks like a proud father in the delivery room. Just realized Otis Smith is the Magic GM, which makes this pick more understandable. My take on Reddick: He has reached his ceiling. He busted his ass to become one of the best shooters in college, and used all his talents to their max. Even if he works hard at the NBA level, he will never be more than a Steve Kerr type. He may never create his own shot in the NBA, unless Adam Morrison guards him. I liked Reddick the first time he played in the league, when he called himself Shane Heal.
Everyone on the panel loves this pick, which means it is DOOMED. Bilas says Reddick will start. I agree. For Roanoke. (ECB - Bilas craps out of his mouth)
Stu Scott just pointed out that Reddick scored more points in the ACC than Michael Jordan and Len Bias. Um, they played two years each.....ECB is confident Reddick won't outscore either of them in the NBA. Bias included.
5:47 - Hornets select Hilton Armstrong, and guarentee to never get another rebound. This takes the lead as worst pick in the draft, and will be very hard to top. Im feeling better about Patrick O'Bryant now....Marcus Williams gets the Paul Pierce/Caron Bulter/Chris Paul award for "Guy who will come back and haunt everyone who passed up on him." Think the NBA version of Randy Moss as far as the OOPS factor goes.
5:51 - I just basted the tri tip with BBQ sauce. It's long, and has tremendous upside.
5:53 - A trade to announce! Wow, its the Boston/Portland trade. Thanks. Stern has also announced that we have put men on the moon and the results of the 1980 presidential election.
5:54 - Sixers select the Swiss guy. Rumor has it he's good. How the hell would anyone know. I almost think this guy is made up and doesn't really exist. Someone is shaking Stern's hand, but I bet he's an intern.
I sit corrected. Great highlights, this guy was a solid pick. Thabo Sefolosha, looks incredibly athletic, almost like Rudy Gay, but he may actually give a damn. Andy Katz says this pick was made for the Bulls, who keep getting better and better. Wow. Great day for Paxson, who has proven to be a star as a GM.
6:02 - Jazz select Ronnie Brewer. The worst jump shot in modern hoops history. Dear lord, he might have a future in the WNBA, but if this guy isn't a bust, I don't know hoops. At least he is from Fayetville, because there is an NBDL team there, so he can sleep in his own bed.
A trade! Minn trades Brandon Roy for Randy Foye and cash. That may be the stupidest trade ever. I can't even explain it. Are the Wolves so broke they just wanted a couple bucks and took Roy to spite the Blazers? I would have thought a better player would have more value.
6:08 - Missed the Hornets taking Cedric Simmons, who proves one thing - 28 is a magic number. Pat O'Bryant went for 28 against Pitt, and Simmons 28 against Duke, and both of those games got them in the lottery. Too bad that's the last time either will score 28 in a sanctioned game...
6:15 - Mark it. ECB and I agree with Bilas for the first time, as he calls Marcus Williams best PG in the draft.
6:18 - Pacers take Shawne Williams. Just a boring pick. Has great talent, but won't really contribute next year. Could be the next Trevor Ariza, would have fit well with the Knicks. Maybe a reach, but Pacers have no real needs.
6:25 - Olecksiy Petrov goes to Washington. Guy's name looks like an eye chart. Let me guess, he's from Europe, so he must be about 6'10 and he can shoot from the perimeter. Yup, big shocker. Seriously, what do the box scores look like in Europe? Leading rebounder gets what, 5 boards a game? Do they know what an offensive rebound is there? I may be getting sick of euros...
6:29 - Sacramento selects Quincy Douby. FEE nomenal pick. I love this pick. 25 pts a game at Rutgers, this guy will really fit in the NBA, and should be instant offense for Eric Musselman's squad. Would have been better than 10 of the guys that went before him. Great shooter, which means he is Reddick with talent. Amazed that this guy doesn't get more love. Only problem is after Kelvin Martin and Francisco Garcia, the Kings have been taking guys like this for years. A big might have been good there, but really, this is the best player available.
6:32 - I will now defer to the ECB, who is a die hard Knicks fan. Of course, he immediately asks, "How will they f*&% this up?" Well Jon, so many possibilities!
Stat of the night: 42 starting lineups for the Knicks last year.
If Williams is the pick, the place will explode. Stern screws the crowd by announcing a trade first! Ha ha. He has been saving this trade for this moment. Important to let everyone know who is in charge. Cops are getting their riot gear.....
6:35 - Knicks select...........Renaldo Balkman! I love it, the new worst pick ever! This guy would have been there at 50. Short story on this guy, he went to a thin Orlando camp, and played well, about the 4th best player there (where no one went) and he played his way into the top of the second round. And the Knicks take him at 20. I can't kill this pick enough. I would rather have Hilton Armstrong #1 overall.
Im looking for the ECB reaction, and Im getting the soft, dulcet tones of a man in denial.
"at least this guy plays with energy."
"Dont laugh completely. There is a slight chance he could be a jerome williams type."
"The guy has an incredible motor."
for those of you who don't speak Desparation, let me translate.
"He can't shoot"
"Best case scenario, he sucks."
"He does suck."
Spike Lee is calling Balkman a sleeper. I think he means either he will be asleep during games, or Balkman plays like he is asleep. I love killing Isiah, and he is making it easy.
6:42 - Suns select Rajon Rondo for the Celtics, who will trade for him. Its part of that draft strategy: if you deal for a point guard who can't shoot (Telfair), make sure you draft a point guard to back him up who CANT SHOOT. Rondo may be the worst shooter in this draft, and Im counting the guy from Senegal and Greg Anthony. Seriously, if this guy is at the top of the key, the defense spreads out like Rondo farted. Good athlete, good physical build, he is a NBA caliber guy, but with Marcus Williams on the board, this move makes zero sense.
6:45 - ECB guarenteeing last laugh on Balkman pick. Set your calendars, my friends. 365 days of reckoning...
6:49 - Nets select Marcus Williams! Finally. Best player on the board, best point guard, and he ends up on a team with a PG. I guess he deserves it. Bilas just said he has 14% body fat. That's not good, but certainly not the red flag concerning most. Must improve: rap sheet.
Marcus Williams' sister...I mean mom, is completely insane. Just shouted down Mark Jones while refusing to look at him during the entire interview. I think her first name is Cliche, but Im not sure....
6:51 - Nets follow up a felon with Josh Boone. Awful, awful player. He can block shots. Great. Apparently, if you can block shots, I can make you a millionaire. Every big man so far has the exact same scouting report: blocks shots, cant rebound, cant shoot. Sounds like a recipe for success. I am so confused by the actions by NBA GMs, Im speechless.
Im also tired of the braids hanging in the back look. It's the black mullet, and it's garbage. Someone spread the word that it does NOT look good. Not me, someone else....
6:58 - Memphis takes Kyle Lowry. So Gay and Lowry in the backcourt. Not bad. Lowry isn't flashy. Quick, not much of a shooter. Tyronne Lue with a better haircut. I have zero opinion about this guy, he is so neutral, he should be from Switzerland too.
7:03 - Cleveland selects Shannon Brown. Decent pick. I don't think he's that great, but very athletic, decent shooter, but can really get to the rim. I watched him play alot in the Big Ten, and there was always something missing, like I always felt he should be doing more. This tells me LeBron will handle the ball, and Brown will work his way into the starting lineup. Much better than Eric Snow, to say the least. The real surprise is that Farmar is slipping....
Can I just say, ESPN sucks? The told me that Shawne Williams was from Wyoming already, that pissed me off. But I hate their attention to the marquee teams. I mean, they were talking so much about the Lakers that I thought it was the Lakers pick. Next thing I know, Cleveland is picking. Why can't they just focus on each team. I feel like Im inundated with the Lakers, the Red Sox, the Yankees and the Cowboys. Lots of other teams out there guys. Lots of other fans....I swear, the Warriors picked, and it was like a fart in church. Place is dead silent, and they can't wait to move on. Im starting to wonder if the Warriors are still in the league. We might have to bring in Larry Brown to honestly get any attention outside the Bay Area. Ok, getting dizzy up on my soapbox....
7:09 - Lakers select Jordan Farmar. Perfect fit. Good point guard, he will defer to Kobe and Lamar, no problem. Local kid, will be loved at Staples. This pick makes so much sense, I dont get to rip it. Damnit! Must improve: Perm.
Wow, someone nudged Stephen A awake. I really wish they hadn't. Guy is screaming now. He's like a hose with a nozzle on it. Just sits there, building up pressure, then sprays in your face...
7:16 - Suns take Sergio Rodriguez, apparently for Portland, who has bought the pick. Basically, Paul Allen is just buying players like free agents in this draft. It is quite disconcerting. This could start a new trend. Dont tell Steinbrenner about this. He'll buy the Knicks, then buy the first 10 picks each season...
On the other side, the Suns traded both of their picks for cash. Someone get these guys a small business loan. I dont want to hear about Colangelo getting picked up at the bus station turning tricks so he can pay Shawn Marion....
7:19 - Sorry, dozed off. Jim Gray just interviewed Mitch Kupchek who was doing his Crazy Joe Devola impression. That guy is the human equivalent of sominex.
7:20 - The rich get richer. Mavericks select Maurice Ager, who is Shannon Brown with a jump shot. Very explosive, as good as Josh Howard or Maurice Daniels. This is a great pick, and fits in with the system very well. This is why these teams are picking at the end of the draft. They know what they are doing.
7:24 - That was the greatest interview of all time, as Mark Jones grabbed a liquored up fan from the mosh pit, and he bowled Jones over while screaming, "Isiah's a bum!" I couldn't be more happy than I am now.
7:25 - Knicks select Mardy Collins. Good player, will add alot to a team that needs toughness and backcourt size. One problem, they have 11,275 guards on the roster. Then again, I really don't know what they are supposed to do. Trading up would have made more sense. They had the pieces to get to as high as 15, where they could have gotten a quality player. It's Isiah, I can't imagine what he is thinking.
7:28 - Interview with Mike D'Antoni's mustache, fresh off a Riverside movie set where he finished filming seX-Men and Forrest Hump.
7:29 - Dan Patrick: "Portland has been the most active so far, in regards to what they have done so far." I can't make that up....hour 3 and Im getting light headed....
7:30 - Portland takes Joel Freeland. Yes, the Joel Freeland from England. Good size, nice stroke. I think this may be a steal. They keep mentioning he used to bag groceries. Who cares, really. Like they all went from Jr High to the broadcast booth.
Stephen A says that its a complete waste of time to talk about Portland. Sorry man, you are so damn important, the last thing we want is to waste your time. You are an NBA ANALYST. It is your FREAKING JOB to talk about Portland. Actually, no, please talk more about the Lakers and the Knicks. Im still out of the loop on them. What is a complete waste of time is you talking, period.
So that's it, first round is over, which means no one else in the world eligible for this draft can get guarenteed money. Let's take a look at the biggest losers - guys who left early only to see Joel Freeland go before them: Daniel Gibson, PJ Tucker, Guillermo Diaz, Leon Powe, Curtis Stinson, Will Blalock....forget it, there are too many to mention. And just imagine if the HS guys had been available. Three would be ALOT of sad guys tonight.....
7:37 - I have created a petition. I can't listen to Stephen A Smith anymore, so we must get him to go away. Please sign this petition, and save me:
http://www.petitiononline.com/shutupA/petition.html
7:48 - Second round has started, and I missed the first three picks. Im hungry, and angry and tired. I will now retire the blog for the night, and wish you all good night and good luck.
