Thank God it's Fri-dee

"If you're out on you bike tonight, as always, do wear white."
-TK

You never know what you have until it is gone. It is amazing the small things in our lives that we become accoustomed to, almost half-heartedly shrugging them off as inconsequential, and mere habits. But the truth is, our lives are an amalgum of small events, little rituals, and daily routines that help us force feed ourselves a steady diet of normalcy. Today, I lost one of those routines in the form of my favorite radio show. I know, it seems so silly to wax poetically about the departure from the air waves of a radio voice, but the content of the show and the bare honesty of its host, Tony Kornheiser, fostered more than cheap entertainment, it created a relationship. Over the years listening to the show has become a necessity. During the cross continent flight that is my day, his show was a 3 hour layover in a place where everyone is smart, witty, funny and real. His "takes" weren't written down. He never screamed over the airwaves demanding callers to weigh in on the latest sports happenings. He never proclaimed to be knowledgable about anything he knew nothing about, and was always informative in regards to things that he did. His was a show about sports. It had to be, to be on ESPN Radio. But it wasn't the sports talk that brought me and millions of others back on a daily basis. It was the discussions on politics, pop culture, music, TV, family, and of course, his never ending battle to keep his dog Maggie out of the refridgerator. Clever emails were rewarded with praise, and idiot callers who asked "How ya doin?" were repeatedly punished with a *click* and banishment from the show. He didn't care if you agreed. He didn't even care if you listened. He was there to do things his way, management be damned. Idiot athletes were never interviewed, saving us from their self-serving agendas and cliche-ridden diatribes. He talked to smart people. People with opinions, ideas, and most important, brains in their heads. The show had two simple rules, which I think we can all learn from: (1) Never cater to the lowest common denominator, as most of America is geared to do, and (2) It's NEVER for the kids. In an open letter I would thank Tk for years of entertainment. His one sided conversations were enough to make you laugh, cry, reflect and reminisce. In an industry where radio hosts cater to a host of sycophants, suck ups and clones, Tony Kornheiser made us listeners feel like peers.

Alright, enough gayness.....

Can a blind person really look for a job? Is it futile for a deaf person to keep their ear to the ground? Fat people should never accomplish anything by a slim margin. Slim margarine maybe. If you are bald, can you win a race by a hair? If you have no legs, is it possible to do leg work? And when you lost those legs, did you shrink by two feet? Most important though, no matter how mad you get, you should never tell a paraplegic to "get to steppin."

If left handed pitchers are southpaws, why aren't right handers northpaws?
Speaking of which, if you are righthanded, can you be left behind?

Im wondering if I overreacted last night. I had a sandwich, and my drunk roommate wanted half. He just started to grab it, and I lost it. I grabbed the food back, and told him about respect and how its so important. I really believe that. Respect is everything. Im like, dont assume you can just take shit. If you really want it, ask, and tell me that you could really use some eats. I dont want to hear an argument like, "What's the big deal?" That argument gets no credence with me. Anyways, I wonder if he took it the wrong way. I hope not, I would hate to have to apologize when I did nothing wrong.

He also did another weird thing. We were at a Bar/Grill havin burgers, and a friend called me and said he was coming through. My roommate said, oh, who's coming. And I said, A, B and C. And he got all pissed, gave me a dirty look, and was like, how could you invite C, like I did something wrong. Please dude. First, he is coming with another guy. Second, I'll invite whoever the hell I want. If he has beef with that guy, its on him to squash it, or deal with it. Im not gonna be the peacemaker, and be like, oh, you are a better friend, so I wont invite this person. Just another respect thing....like, dude, dont treat me like half a fagala over here like I cant invite this dude over for you. You tell dude not to come over. Its not like I invited dude to a house that we both live in. Im smarter than that. I know what respect is all about....

Ever hear a college student say TGIF? Thank God it's Friday? Are you serious? Are you freaking SERIOUS!?!?! Yeah, rough week, huh Scooter? With all that hackey sack and ultimate frisbee. Finally, a chance to unwind, huh? 5 whole days of skipping class, watching Sponge Bob and spending your parents' money on weed. Finally, the weekend is here!

My roommates were watching American Idol the other day. The show has run into a little bit of a problem. It's a search for the next great singer, but, um.....none of them can sing. This could prove to be a bit of an issue. Just my opinion.

We are filming!

"Success is a journey, not a destination."

I know, I know....where the hell have I been? Hey, I have a life too, you know! Anyways, the truth is, my world got flipped upside down last week. The wifey decided marriage wasn't for her, and wants to move on. It's been tough. Not so much because I feel guilty or angry. The truth is, I want her to be happy, because I love her, always will. If you love something, let it free. If it were meant to be, then we wouldn't have gotten to this point, I suppose. Anyways, I did my best, and it wasn't enough. I just feel bad for her, she is really blowing it here. Missing out on a good man, who treated her right. I guess the grass is always greener, huh? I guess the big problem is that I had plans for my life, and they were in motion. Now, I must reassess, and create new plans. It is ok, don't cry for me Argentina, I'll be fine. What is funny is that everyone I know is absolutely furious, while I am taking it in stride. I got hosed on this deal, and Im the only one who isnt angry. Go figure.

Enough of that sappy crap! Who wants pie?!

I am tired of little cliches that just get played out, and they mean absolutely nothing. One thing that grates on me, as you know, is saying "we" when referring to your favorite team. That needs to go. Another thing is people's insistance on ignoring simple geography. My buddy, god bless him, always asks when I am "coming down" to see him. He lives 400 miles north! I know, I know, semantics. I'm just being anal, right? See, I dont think so. There is something to be said for accuracy. Mind you, Im not asking for too much accuracy. ("So, when are you coming 312 miles north, 15 miles north by north east, and making a 48 degree turn at latitue 45 longitude 13?") And by the way, you can't give 110%. There are certain numerical standards that we have all agreed on, so let's stay true to those tenants. Don't start making up new percentage scales on us. Maintain the status quo. Unless you went to Florida State or UNLV, in which case, a misunderstanding of numbers is excusable.

Im not happy about this 9/11 commission. It seems to be another case of America looking for a place to point it's finger. No one wants to take responsibility for their own lives anymore. They would rather stand over the rest of the landscape, hoping to put other people on the spot. Nothing is anyone's fault anymore, and if we can find someone to blame for ANYTHING, we plaster their face under bold type in the Washington Post and feel better about ourselves. This 9/11 commission isn't solving anything. We are looking back 2 1/2 years to see if anyone could have stopped this thing? That is so ludicrous. It never occurred to anyone that 20 madmen, with not conscience, would turn commercial airliners into missiles. So we are gonna hold people accountable for not guarding against that? Meanwhile, we have a future to worry about. Finding out if anyone is to blame won't help us protect ourselves in the future. It won't help get rid of the menace in the middle east. It's just another band aid on a broken leg.

Coke or Pop? Flapjacks or Pancakes? Hot Dogs or Franks?

Aren't there some foods at restaurants that you just can't bring yourself to order, because you feel like a moron ordering it? But it is so good, half the time you just suck it up and ask for it? Mine is the Moons over My Hammie at Dennys. Feel like an ass every time I order it, but damn, it's good! Just know that I will never enjoy the Rootie Tootie Fresh and Fruity pancakes at IHOP. I'm just not gonna do it.

The modern Russian Roulette is definitely sending food back at a restaurant. Some places have great service, and if you dont like what they bring, they will make it how you want it. But man, sometimes, you are throwing your digestive track on the craps table (no pun intended) when you send food back. You just never know what you are gonna get in that next plate of food. It's just not worth it sometimes. A slightly overcooked meal will always trump one containing any myriad of substances. Trust me.

Nice tourney, huh? My bracket has more red ink than Gary Coleman's checkbook. My bracket has more bad choices on it than Eddie Murphy's filmography. Seriously, I know as much about college basketball as Anna Nicole Smith knows about the stock market. I may have to retire from the prognostication business.

I don't like all the heat that Bob Ryan is catching over his comments. Tongue, firmly implanted in cheek, recently said that Vanderbilt couldn't beat NC St because they "had too many white guys." As much as I would like to be sympathetic in this instance, with my historical fight against prejudice and racism, in this situation.....lighten up! Talk about the PC Police going overboard. The idea that white people can't play basketball is a long running joke that is so deeply embedded in our culture, it has gone way past offensive. It is at a point where saying it is always in a joking manner. Ryan claims to have been kidding, and I for one, believe him! This is a sports writer from Boston for crying out loud. Do you really think that he believes that a team of white guys can't compete? The Celtics of the mid 80's were led by Larry Bird, Kevin McHale and Danny Ainge, three white guys. Throw in Dennis Johnson, the black guy with freckles, and that's like 3 1/2 white starters. So come on, lighten up people. There is a movie called "White Men Cant Jump!" It's a joke, ok? Everyone has to deal with it, we are all subject to generalizations. All Italians are mafia. All Irish are drunks. Asians can't drive. Black people like fried chicken. All priests molest young boys. It's not the statement itself that is racist, it's the context! It's the racist bastard that is using the statement to be hateful. I mean, come on. You kid your friends, you crack jokes. It's no big deal. This country used to be alot cooler. It's all a bunch of dorks and nerds now, feeling sorry for themselves, and constantly forcing themselves into protected classes to avoid being picked on.

I dont think Batman and Robin should qualify as superheros. Especially Robin, he doesnt even have any gadgets, like Batman. He is just a gymnast who spouts catchphrases. He is the superhero equivalent of Ed McMahon. Nice to have around, but in the end, utterly useless. Has he ever defeated anyone other than the slow-witted henchman dispached by the Penguin or the Riddler? Batman always drives, he has the utility belt. He even has the better costume. But in the end, he has not super powers.

Speaking of superpowers, some of these guys really have no use. Aquaman is dope, but, on land, he is totally useless. Unless the bad guy has a ferocious goldfish in his office that Aquaman can sick on him, what is he gonna do? And the Flash. He runs fast. Great. Enter the Olympics. How can he battle evil? It's like, Flash, do something, they are robbing that bank! Ok, I'll check the weather in Spain! Weee! And finally, the Wonder Twins. Anyone remembr these two? They each had half of a ring, which, when united, changed them into something else. Except, one twin really got hosed. Twin 1 got to be any kind of animal, and the other had to take the form of water. How freaking useless can you be? "Form of, and eagle!" "Form of, an ice cube!" Uh, you know what Twin 2, just hang out here. Its like, Twin 1, go fight evil! Twin 2, keep my soda cold! And why is it whenever Twin 2 was the form of water, there was a bucket around. How fortuitous.

My favorite super hero? I have no idea. I think I prefer the bad guys. At least they were proactive. I mean, these guys always had a plan! They were always busy. Meanwhile, the Justice League, they would just hang around, waiting for something to happen. The Legion of Doom though! Man, they were concocting schemes, implementing them. If each was a company, the Legion of Doom would be Oracle, and the Justice League would be a taco shop in Lubbock. They just have no drive!