Day 6: Assignments

Woo hoo! Going to the business department. I am so happy I could cry. Just more complex transactions, dealing with more money (cap is like 1.5 mill or something on these loans), and getting to talk to business owners rather than home owners. Just more likely they will be a more sophisticated group, and I wont spend the majority of my time walking people through the ins and outs of their loan application. "Ok maam, see where it says name, put your name....no, no, your name, not my name....no not the name of your cat...maam, no maam, I can't make out a check to anyone named Fluffy..." Also got a day shift, so it will make it easier for Ace to come visit, spend Friday night and all day Saturday, and hopefully try and work something out on Sunday. Anyways, Im happy is all. The experience I get will certainly be more applicable to the kind of work I hope to do later on.

Currently on hold with B of A trying to get a damn PIN number for my credit card so I can get some per diem money and maybe go eat or something. Anyways, they told me a minimum of 4 minute wait, its been 10. In this day and age, I might as well have been on hold for a year. I need service NOW. They said I could participate in a survey after this call, and I was all set to skip it, but now? Fugetaboudit, they shall have my input!

Not much else to report today. Woke up at 7:42 after I slept through the alarm (lack of sleep will catch up to you!) and got dressed, cleaned up, and to work (15 minute drive) by 8:02. That's parked and in class by 8:02. Guy had the nerve to suggest I fill out a form saying I was late for that. I say....no. It's the first week, Im still on West Coast time, and it's two freaking minutes. Basically, I didnt do it, and no one said anything. Que sera sera.

101 degrees today, but I swear, doesnt feel a bit over 95. Already shot hoops, worked out, and had a nosh. Trying to get to the shower, but the good people at B of A seem to be having a birthday party over at customer service. If I have to listed to one more version of Time of My Life played on the alto sax with sounds of nature in the background I may commit a homicide. This is unbearable.....I am starting to long for the dulcet tones of the elevator.

Much like Bill Simmons, I am in the market for a Premiership Team. I totally missed the boat on professional soccer growing up, and have become a full fledged fan. I just need a team to root for so that I can get the jersey, and know the names, and be an utter bore at parties. Leaning towards Fulham with my boys, but must research the roster to see if there are any players I simply cannot root for. Looking good so far though....

B of A must die! Going to go soak my head to get rid of the anger......

Day 5: All's Quiet

I wish I had more to report, but I do not. Very uneventful day today. I would have to say the highlight was when we learned how to figure out what kind of insurance a disaster victim needs and how to calculate how much. The instructor said, ok, let's all do the worksheet I handed out. I proceeded to finish it in about 2 minutes, after which he announced, "Ill give you 35 minutes!" I soon spent the rest of the day knocking out two crosswords and two sudokus, while my sheets made their way around the room. It's nice to know that no matter what, you can always count on people to cheat. Fun times!

Sitting here watching The Longest Yard, the remake with Adam Sandler and other scrubs. Not good. This movie is not good, and I am not good for watching it. Just ate a full meal, and I can't move. What a revolting development.

Nothing to report today. Ive been tired all week, it will be nice to rest this weekend. Until then, it has been status quo the last couple of days. Weather is getting hot (100 degrees) but still not uncomfortable. Went to Popeye's for lunch, which was of course delicious, but the service was a disaster. I would have said something, but there was zero chance of it meaning anything. In that situation, friends, even when it takes 25 minutes to get a chicken strip meal, smile and keep your mouth shut, unless you want beans, rice, and spit. It's just that simple....

I find out my schedule tomorrow, and how to file an expense report. REALLY looking forward to those two developments. Until then friends. I imagine tomorrow will be much more interesting.

Day 4: Reality

Powerful. That's all I can say about the documentary they showed us today about the destruction in Southern Mississippi. Truely eye opening. For all of the CNN coverage and what not that I saw during Katrina, it really didn't hit home like this doc did. Basically a start to finish look at the hurricane from the day it became a tropical storm, to when they realized it was coming through, to when it hit, to the aftermath. Just seeing the progression was amazing, but the destruction was overwhelming. It was really good of them to expose us to the horrors of this tragedy, so that we could really understand the people we would be dealing with. The only regret is that I found it secretly fascinating. Just the sheer magnitude of the storm, it's power, and the destruction. I felt the same during the tsunami and 9/11. Awful tragedies, of course. But there is something just incredible about these immense occurances. I hope that isn't bad.

The rest of the day cruised by. No driving problems, didn't hate anyone today, and the day moved pretty quick for once. Already got my work out out of the way, and looking forward to a piece of salmon I picked up (not at Wal Mart, fear not!).

Anything intersting occur? Nope! But I did finally get some satisfaction. There is a real anomally going on in San Diego, that being that we get a deluge of Sonic commercials (for those not in the know, Sonic is a fast food chain found in the south, but branching out), however, in my four years in San Diego, I have yet to actually see a Sonic! It has become literally the bane of my existence, and I am finally relieved to be surrounded by Sonic on every corner. Im not the fast food type any longer, but I may go to Sonic just to get my comeuppance.

Said "fixin' to" for the first time today, and immediately punched myself in the face.

Finally met someone worth talking to. This guy, same age as me, went to Pepperdine law, lives here locally with his wife. Understands California, but knows the Dallas area, so could become a true ally. Solid guy, and saved me at lunch. Went to Jack in the Crack with Bama Tom ( I got chicken...) and when I suggested we get the food to go, he wanted to stay and eat at there! Im like, come on, lets go eat in the break room (just hoping to get back where I could slink off alone and not be disturbed) but he insisted we eat there. "Come on, the break room?" he exclaimed. "Why, because the posh surroundings of Jack's Bistro are so much better?" Yes, god forbid we go back and eat in the huge break room with fellow workers, when we can sit a table the size of a frisbee and bang elbows while trying to determine whose curly fries are whose. My man Robbie was there, and we began talking. As soon as he headed out, I asked for a ride, and was delivered. I really am a bastard.

Gonna cut it short tonight. Waiting on a call from Ace (woo hoo!) then I have to write an article. Im doing freelance for www.nbadraft.net , so feel free to visit for hoops knowledge from your favorite Cali ex-pat.

Day 3: Lost

Sharing a rental car is almost as bad as it sounds, except worse. Don't get me wrong, the two guys I have to share my plush Kia Sedona with are generally nice guys, but each has shown to bring a little less to the table than one would hope. First is Terry, a sweet gentleman from Indianapolis who has done a great deal of real estate law across the country. However, I can't figure out how he got to these many places as he has the navigational skills of a blind, one-legged man using a broken compass in the dark. Maybe that's an overstatement. However, after pulling direction off the internet, Magellen told me to "look for the 97 off of the 121, and exit there." After driving for 20 minutes and not seeing the 97, I asked to see the directions, only to discover the 121 BECOMES the 97, and we should have been looking for the 183. Great, so we were 15 minutes late after I spun us around in Bedford and right into the teeth of the morning commute. Great first day fellas!

Car partner number two is our portly fellow from Alabama via St Louis and the good folks and Anheuser Busch. He has successfully made me feel incredibly uncomfortable no fewer than 10 times in the last two days, culminating with the ever so gentle queary as to my choice of radio station by asking, "What is this, n___ music?" Ah, that's sweet south racism, because Im not sure he realized how absolutely awful a comment that was. Im glad I was able to get out, "Jesus, enough of that..." through my incredulously gritting teeth.

Today was a fun day of work, where we got to sit....and sit......and sit, while our fearless instructor went over about 7 slide shows. That seems bad, but it's not nearly as bad as having each slideshow followed up with questions that have zero relation to our job. Essentially, whenever the floor was open to questions, Curtis (our instructor) was forced to delve into detail about essentially every job requirement except those we would be responsible for. Eventually, I discovered that the rather large woman at the front of the room was an actual Katrina victim. Oh, if only that was all I knew. She proceeded to interject, interrupt and intervene in every discussion with comments that boiled down to a constant reminder that she was there. "Oh, it's worse when you see it live!", "FEMA did nothing for me!" "blah blah blah." Look, Im sensitive to the fact that people lost alot, and they are struggling still today - hell, Im doing this job trying to do my part to help - but we are well past the time where it does any good to complain. I almost think people who are even tangentially related to a disaster get a buzz off of talking about it, and getting any pity they can from their listeners. "Um, I work at the Famous Ray's Pizzaria at the New York, New York casino, which is like a block from the fake World Trade Center, and I just imagine if I was working at the real Famous Ray's....can you imagine? That could have been me, not me!" The highlight of my day ended up being three Diet Pepsis, a Red Bull, two crossword puzzles, and the first uneventful drive between work and the hotel.

Evil. Pure evil. South Park did an episode called "Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes." The synopsis reads as such, "The streets of South Park are like a ghost-town when a giant Wall-Mart lures all the townspeople to the new store with its incredible bargains. Cartman becomes a boy possessed by the power of Wall-Mart and its low, low prices. In order to save their town, Stan and Kyle have to find a way to destroy the ever-expanding superstore while keeping Cartman from stabbing them in the back." Never before has any single show hit the mark like this. I was stuck today, needing a pair of socks, a notebook, and some vegetables. I tried my damnedest to find a Target Superstore, but logistics and a shared vehicle necessitated that I make my first foray into the bowels of Wal-Mart. They are everywhere here, like the Nordstrom of the south. And I am here to say, this place is exactly as it is portrayed on South Park. I went in there, and started looking for stuff, and I found everything I wanted. And it was affordable. Very, very affordable. Then I went to the food section. Everything was stocked to the ceiling, with incredible prices, quality and quantity. I started to become mesmorized by the smiling faces. They were calling me, and I felt like I never wanted to leave. I grabbed a pack of tortillas for .88 cents. I grabbed some shredded cheese for 1.50. Then it was a 6 pack of Diet Pepsi bottles for 3 bucks. I was literally in a trance, and I started to shake out of it, slowly pushing my cart to the check out stand, eventually jogging.....until I was practically in a dead sprint. I had to get out, I told myself. I was starting to sweat, and my chest felt tighter. The Wal Mart was trying to crush my spirit. Chips....energy drinks...an entire butcher's section....and a McDonalds, right in the store! Feel free to pay for your meal with your groceries! I quickly fashioned a cross out of a broom for 1.35 and a 25 cent giant Slim Jim. Holding it close to my chest, I manuevered through the 20 dollar jeans, hoping the watchful eye of the Wal Mart would lose me in the denim. I was confronted by a gaggle of greeters, each older than the next. As more appeared, the teeth to mouth ratio lowered and lowered. I grabbed three dollars worth of tube socks, and loaded them up with 2 dollars worth of batteries.....swinging wildly I made my way to the checkout stand, and escaped only 40 dollars poorer. "Come again!" sang the greeter as I raced by with my ill-gotten loot. I turned back long enough to see the vacant gleam in her eye, and to catch a whiff of the foul stench of desparation as I rode my cart to freedom.....

On that note, I must report that the weight I lost in the past year is more significant than previously imagined. The hotel gym scale reports a current weight of 178, down from 207 last January. If you see Sally Struthers, tell her to add me to her list.....until tomorrow....

Texas, Days 1 & 2: You Ain't From 'Round Here, Is Ya?

The eagle has landed....

Day two in Texas, and already I find this place to be non-stop comedy. Before I make any observations, let's lay down some foundation:

Left San Diego yesterday at 2pm in a mad rush, as I milked every last minute with the lovely Ace. Get on the plane, and the A/C doesn't work, so I and 200 equally sweaty individuals proceeded to cook in our own juices for 30 minutes. Something about airplanes, they manage to magnify any odor times ten. I think there is a special device on board. Because, I know the guy next to me didn't stink that bad. And invariably, whenever people are sweating, a fat guy will find his way into my "inner sanctum." That being said, the flight ended up being uneventful. I enjoy American Airlines in that they have good foot room and the head rests curl around your head so the moron next to you doesn't fall asleep on your shoulder, leading to the inevitable, "Do I wake him or just sit here and think bad thoughts?"

Got to the hotel in uneventful fashion. I have determined that DFW Airport is the country's biggest nightmare, and makes O'Hare seem like a trip to the beach. Just sprawled out and enormous, when you land, it takes 15 minutes to drive to the terminal. Im not making that up. The hotel is cool, it's a suite. Im sitting at a desk in the main "foyer" which is attached to a kitchen which features two burners, a microwave and a dishwasher and rather large refrigerator. I recently filled it with healthy eats, and am looking forward to some good Suite Cookin'. I think I'll start a web based show called "Suite Cookin with Texas T" where I demonstrate how to make a fine steak dinner with a spatula, a fork and a shallow pan. Mouth is watering already!

Couldn't sleep to save my life last night, but that's as much the fault of time zones as it is the rock hard mattress Im forced to sleep on. Im still not sure who decided a hard mattress is a good thing, but they are clearly an idiot. Got up at 7 am faced with a conundrum - armed with 50 dollars when I checked in for my flight, and due to take a cab to the hotel and a cab to work, I somehow managed the following: Began by giving the check in girl 25 dollars for my oversized bag. I then managed to get a shuttle to the hotel, leaving me with 25 dollars, a 30 dollar cab ride and an 8am start time. Hit the lobby at 7:45 and saw a cab waiting, knocked on the door, and asked the inhabitant if he was headed to SBA....Yes! He was! We proceeded to get lost, but this generous soul with the expanding belly and receding hair line was gracious enough to pick up the tab on the cab (knowing fully he would be able to expense it). A portly and gregarious fellow from Montgomery, AL, Tom isn't much of an athlete, but he became my lifesaver this fine morn. As fate would have it, we ended up carmates, and now share a lovely Kia Sedona whose odor is either new car smell or weed hidden in the dash. I would swear on a stack of bibles it's the latter.

Work should be ok. We spent the morn filling out our paperwork, then got some light training on what we will be doing. Essentially, I will be verifying loans to individuals or businesses related to disaster relief. A loan officer will put together the paperwork, and I will review it for legal sufficiency, and eventually ok the disbursement of the check. Should be good experience, and I really will be helping people, which is a good thing. It's a modern facility, not the usual stuffy and dirty old building that most federal employees get stuck in.

As for Texas. A couple things. First, everyone in Fort Worth is a jerk so far. I swear, I can't drive five feet without getting the finger or honked at. Seriously, I can drive alot worse if you guys like. I have been admittedly hesitant in my driving early on, because it's impossible to find where you are going (nothing is marked, and its all sprawled out), but as I get more aggressive and comfortable, I should get less honks. I doubt it. But off the road, everyone is very nice, and I like that. For being in the middle of Bush-land, the Dallas area is very cosmopolitan, and not too "shit-kicky", if you know what I mean.

Not feeling super humorous today, I miss California and I especially miss my girl. I can't get back to her soon enough. Until then though, it's gonna be TCOB, so thanks to all for your support and making me feel like this is a solid move for me, because it really is. In other news, about 5 years ago, I bought 5 pairs of 78 dollar khakis at Banana Republic for 10 bucks a piece on sale. They were all too small at the time in the waist, and I planned on getting in shape so I could wear them. I wore a pair today, and have successfully doubled my pants wardrobe. And on that note, I am off to the gym!