Damn Glad to Meet Ya....

Judge: Mr. Hutz, are you aware you're not wearing any pants?
Lionel Hutz: Uh, your Honor, can I call for one of those bad trial thingys?
Judge: You mean a mistrial?
Lionel Hutz: Yeah... that's why you're the judge, and I am the law... talkin'... guy.

In honor of the last Frasier tonight, six degrees of Kevin Bacon:
Kelsey Grammar was in 15 Minutes with Robert DeNiro
Robert DeNiro was in Sleepers with KEVIN BACON.

Damn, I am tooooo good!

Just watched A Few Good Men again last night, and I tell you, I can't get enough of that movie. I know every single line, front to back, and I still am totally engrossed by it. I may be mentally ill. Three things about that movie that I just love. First, the cast. It is unbelievable. Even the bit players are stars, Just think about it: Nicholson, Bacon, Cruise, Demi Moore, Kevin Pollack, Cuba Gooding Jr, Noah Wyle, JT Walsh, Keifer Sutherland, Christopher Guest, and of course, James Marshall, who was also in Soccer Dog: The Movie! That is some cast! Second, every character has a middle name or middle initial in the movie. Do you ever see that? You find out almost everyone's middle name or initial, but we have no idea why. Daniel Allister Kaffee. Nathan R. Jessup. Jonathan James Kendrick. Matthew J. Markinson. Carl Edward Hammaker. Jeffery Owen Barnes. Louden R. Downey. Harold W. Dawson. It's insane! Even the judge is referred to as Julius Alexander Randolph. Is that a Marines thing? Because we never learn the middle name of Weinberg and Galloway, and they are in the Navy. Maybe that's the point, I really don't know. Looking at it, Kaffee is the only non-Marine whose middle name/initial is revealed. Lastly, the casting of Dawson. It seems that Rob Reiner was auditioning hundreds of guys for the role, but couldn't find the right guy. Meanwhile, he had an assistant named Wolfgang Bodison, basically, the guy fetch coffee and such. Reiner was talking about the role, and Bodison walked by the room. Reiner said he wanted a guy that looked and talked like Bodison, and thought about it, then auditioned his assistant. He got the role, and got his break. That was 1992, and he has done 15 movies since. Just an interesting story.....

One question: Why isn't Iraq a parking lot yet? They decapitated a civilian. That is by far the most horrific thing that could have happened. You talk about a big middle finger from them to us, they are daring us to march in there and wipe out everything. I heard a press conference, and Rumsfeld is still talking about what we are going to do about prisoner abuse. Prisoner abuse? A couple of naked photos vs. cutting off the head of a civilian? I think we are at the point where we nuke the joint, wash our hands of it, pave it over with asphalt, and build a giant 7-11 training center. Im tired of this whole thing.

This talk about outlawing the intentional walk is just so stupid. It isnt a baseball issue, it's an issue for the SF Giants. As much as baseball seems like an individual sport, it's still a team sport in that you have to back up your teammates. If the Giants had some talent around Bonds, then he wouldnt be on pace to be intentionally walked 128 times (twice his own record).

Men's Journal just ranked San Diego as the best city to live in in America. I can't disagree, though Chicago will always be the number one city in my view. Interesting to note that #3 is Minneapolis, where I have also lived. Now, I just need to move to Austin and Portland and cover the top 4. Um, probably not.

OK, I actually saw the decapitation video. One of the worst things I have ever had the misfortune to witness. I cant believe anyone cares about prisoner abuse when this is going on. Our guys take some silly pictures, and they respond by cutting off someone's head. It reminds me of a Cheers episode where Sam is in an auction for something. The other guy says, 200, Sam says 220. The other guy then says 1000 dollars, to which Sam responds, "Hey, I, I, thought we were just going in increments of 20 dollars....." Same thing. It's like, Ok, we will take goofy pics. Ok, well, we will cut off this guy's head. Um, I thought, I thought we were going in smaller increments.

Speaking of Iraq, I can't tell who is who anymore. I thought we were freeing Iraq, but meanwhile, the Iraqi's are still attacking our troops. And Iraqi's are attacking each other. I don't know who is on what side. Seriously, if you are a soldier, how do you know who to guard against? What a mess.

Ok, my movie reviews are behind. I have three movies to review, so hang on to your hats....

Movie Review: STUCK ON YOU
I will keep this one brief. Stinks. Not funny, not interesting, totally predictable. You know when you see a preview, and something tells you that you saw every funny scene in the movie? This is worst than that. They took scenes that weren't all that funny, and cut out the 3 funny seconds, then put that in the preview. Basically, taking scenes out of context made them funnier. There is supposed to be a message here, but really, it could have been done in 20 minutes. This movie is boring, and not worth your time. Avoid it like the plague. **

Movie Review: BIG FISH
Interesting movie, I suppose. But right off the bat, I couldn't get over Ewan McGregor playing an Alabama native. No matter how hard he worked on his accent, it was so odd. The movie is about a man who has spent his whole life telling stories, which always carry an iota of truth, but his son doesn't know him. He questions what is the truth, and what is story. Most of the movie is a recreation of these stories, to put the viewer in the son's shoes. Cool effects, and good story telling, but all in all....this movie fails. Most troubling is the old man's recollection of a trip to a mythical town, which we later find out exists, but is not nearly as spectacular as he remembers. There is some symbolsim alluded to, but it is so unclear, you can't figure out what the symbolism is. And it is never answered. This movie creates more questions than answers, and leaves you wanting more. Watch it, perhaps, but don't expect a whole lot.
** 1/2

Movie Review: THE COOLER
Ok, finally, a movie I can whole-heartedly recommend. A cross between Leaving Las Vegas and Casino, a true tale about a loser who finds love and a new lease on life. The contrast is a guy who was supposed to be his friend, whose devotion to his job as a mob-run casino director costs him any chance at true happiness. Alec Baldwin is fantastic, and deserved his recognition for this role. William H Macy is good, but seems miscast. You never really believe that the girl could fall for him. The true value of the movie is in the story, and the struggle by Macy, always a loser, who can't get out from under his own misfortune. Some of the movie is predictable, some isn't. But not predictable in the sense that it ruins the film, only in the sense where things go in a direction you would expect. Any deviation would be unfaithful to the essence of the story. Sometimes movies go off on unbelievable tangents just because they don't want to be predictable. Well, that can be worse, because the film loses credibility. This is an excellent movie, but be warned....you will see William Macy's butt, and that's not a good thing. ****

What was with that Sopranos episode last night? Is there anything more annoying than a giant dream sequence, rife with untranslatable symbolism? I got some of it, but the rest, whew! right over my head. Three episodes left in the season, and they waste half of an episode on a dream sequence that could have been cut to about 5 minutes. There are so many unresolved issues right now. They have 1000 things going on, and to stop and go this route was a cop out, trying to tie everything together. It can't be done. We need to attack each problem individually. Does Tony have to wack Tony B? Is he going to go back to Carmela? Is that professor that Carm slept with going to get wacked (I hope so, smug bastard)? What about the Johnny Sack issue? And Carmine Jr? Is the Jersey fam screwed? Do I get answers to any of this? No, of course not. I get a 20 minute lead in to Tony's old coach. Sigh, one more issue I need to worry about. Meanwhile, Chris has fallen to the way side, we never see him anymore. Adriana, what about her and the Feds? Paulie and Sil havent even appeared in weeks. Ok, I am totally rambling.

So, Sammy Sosa strained his back sneezing. That is right, sneezing. Made me think what my stupidest injury is, and I can't narrow it down. Was it the numerous broken fingers from punching walls while intoxicated? Perhaps it was cutting boxes on my leg, and slicing my thigh with an exacto knife. How about wrestling like an idiot, getting my neck bent too far, then going unconscious and having my breathing stop (so I was told). That was fun. I think it has to be trying to break into my own house and putting my arm through the window. The scars healed nice....

Just Thinking Out Loud.....

"Ignorant people use statistics the same way drunks use a lamppost: for support, but never enlightenment."

Im still studying Corporate Finance. Just went over a theory known as the Random Walk. It compares stock prices to dropping a drunk guy in the middle of a corn field. It is impossible to predict where a drunk will end up, and the path he will take there. The only useful information is where he started, just as stock prices can't be predicted.

So it got me to thinking, about all of the Random Walks I've taken. Of course, part of walking home drunk means...well, you don't remember alot of em. I remember being out all night drinking while in New York with my wife. We got home around 330, and she wanted french fries. So, in all of my genius, I walk out in the middle of Times Square at about 4 am looking for a McDonalds. Like any drunk walk, I had an uncanny sense of direction, and ambled about 7 blocks down straight to a McDonald's. Got fries, cokes, the works, and got straight back to the hotel, not a single problem. Like any drunk walk, all I can think now, is, "What the hell was I thinking?"

Of course, that walk looks like a stroll through a Salt Lake suburb compared to the genius trek I took in Chicago. We used to live on North and Halsted, which happens to be a couple minutes from Cabrini Green, or at least, what used to be Cabrini Green, the most dangerous projects in the nation (arguably). So, I end up at a bar that was literally on the other side of the tracks. Past Cabrini, over the railroad tracks, over a river, and into the warehouse district. Not good. But this bar, it was nice. Well, in all my brilliance, I tie one on, and vanish. You know, when you are drinkin, and you get up to use the restroom, but instead, you walk 10 miles home? Yeah, something like that. So of course, like always happens when you have enough to drink, I was invincible. No trouble, no people actually. But of course, when drinking, you come up with some odd ideas. I recall at one point, grabbing a bottle off of the sidewalk, and breaking it, walking with it like a weapon. You know, half of a Heineken bottle and a blood-alcohol level in double digits will turn the average man into the Terminator.

Since coming to San Diego, I've had my share of treks. We live up a hill here, and it's about a half hour walk from the bottom to our house, and about an hour from the nearest bar, so, everytime my ride leaves, and I dont have cab fare, I round up a sherpa and trek up the hill. All I know is that my calves burn to all hell by the time I get home, and Im sweating like Micheal Jackson at a Boy Scout meeting. But that doesn't top the night I lost my roommate downtown. From the Yacht Club at the Marriot to my old house, it was a good 10 minute drive. That's with the freeway. So, we go to this place, and he gets in a squabble. Next thing I know, he vanishes like a cupcake in Oprah's dressing room, and I spend the next hour walking around the entire hotel, calling him every 3 minutes like a love sick school girl. Eventually, I need to get out of there. I hop in a cab, and get home. What do I find on the front lawn? One of those bike cabs from the show Apprentice! Ok, you are now thinking the same thing I was thinking.....this fool stole it! Ok, so now, I have a whole new problem. Does this qualify as grand theft auto? Joy riding? Not to mention, how did this guy drive this thing all the way from downtown, which is like 10-15 miles or something. So I walk in, half way through my rehearsed sentence of "What the hell?!?!", and here is this fool, sitting on the couch, playing guitar with some shaggy haired stranger. So he talked this guy into giving him a ride all the way from downtown, which is enough of a trip to make Lance Armstrong puke, for like 30 bucks, and then he invites the guy in to jam and drink rum! Only Los, man. So now, my questions turn from, will I have to bail this guy out of jail later, to, "Do I have to get a lock for my door because there is something about this cat that I didn't know about?" All I know is, I took my ass to bed, and closed the night with, "Dog, I don't wanna know...."

Two Down, One to Go

Sunday night, and I need a break. Tomorrow afternoon is Corporate Finance. Open book, so not too bad. Although, it does open the door for any question under the sun. I think I will be prepared. I'd type this blog after I was done studying later around 3 AM, but Im afraid by then Ill be speaking in tongues and playing with legos. Ahhh, sweet, sweet insanity.

MMMM, Diet Red Bull. Can you say, second wind?

I don't know what it is. I have this desire to entertain. I really wish my blog was like, popular. I wish tons of people read it, and enjoyed it. So much so, that I have been recently thinking about going to a stand up comedy open mic night. Im just not sure though. I hear real comics, all the time, and their material is so good. I don't think I could compete. I dont want to do anything that I am not going to be good at, or so I say. Meanwhile, Im middle of the road in law school. So obviously, mediocrity doesn't scare me as much as I thought. Who knows, maybe I'll give it a shot.

So that Evidence exam was just what I thought it would be....a beotch! Is there anything worse than 4 months of law school, then you get to the final exam, and its half multiple choice? Its like, ok, all that we taught you, all the thinking you have been trained to do, now....guess which one! Might was well play a shell game at the end of the year for grades. Not that I don't know the answers, but purposely making more than one answer seem like the right answer is absurd. Rambling....

When it started, Friends was a decent show. What happened? Somewhere along the line, the show fell apart. Maybe it was the whole fact that half of em didnt have jobs, but they all lived in super nice apartments in Manhattan? I couldn't afford an apartment that size in Guatemala. I remember, that episode, where Monica proposed to Chandler, and she filled the apartment with candles. Everyone is saying, how romantic! All I could think was, damn, how did she afford all of those candles? Those things are like 3 bucks a piece! We all want to do something romantic like that, but who is gonna drop 500 bucks on candles? By the end, it was just ridiculous. Everyone was sleeping with everyone else, everyone loves each other. I read a great analysis that showed how the writers broke the cardinal rule of friendship on that show, not once, but twice! The rule between guys is: You never go out with your friend's ex, and you don't pine after their current girl. So first, Chandler goes for Joey's girlfriend. Then Joey goes after Rachel. What the hell is that all about? And what happened, Chandler had to spend a day in a box? What kind of punishment is that? In the end, all signs pointed to everyone being gay, except Rachel. Monica was the manliest person on the show, which is just sad. Or was it Phoebe?

So I haven't had a drink in like two weeks. It feels good, to get to a simple life style. It's just nice to know that I dont have a problem. You go out on the weekends, and after a while, you start to worry that maybe you are becoming dependant. Then, you just don't do it, cause you have more important things to do. And you realize, Im ok. When I say that I can stop whenever I want, I mean it. I can stop. It is a relief, because there is a history of alcoholism in my family, and I have demonstrated an obsessive personality in many parts of my life. It is good to know that when I say I have changed, Im not blowing smoke. I have changed, for the better. Ok, Ill stop patting myself on the back before I sprain my shoulder....

I read alot of blogs, and most of em talk about their everyday experiences. I have nothing! I have spent the past few days sitting at the desk in my room, writing outlines, reviewing notes, studying, drinking coke after coke. I guess I could write about how annoying bugs are that fly through the cracks in my screen. Or I could write about this crap paint that I did my room in that cost an arm and a leg that scratches off from the slightest bump, so that I have to repaint the freaking place. I could talk about the stacks of notes and books and horn books all over my room. So much so, that it is now a maze to get from the door to my bed. I bumped into a Minatour the other day in this labyrinth. Had to slay him with a highlighter and a bag of M&Ms. Ahh, finals week.....

Ok, Im out. I could sit here and non sequitor all night, but I wont. Look for more rational posts later in the week....

Good night.