Was that you?

"If you fail to plan, you plan to fail."


I always crack my windows open, and I always leave them open over night. What the hell is wrong with me?

Today's driving adventure included an encounter with a lady too busy to drive because she was busy stuffing a chocolate donut in her face. I saw her, and a donut is the last thing she needed. Another lady decided that she needed to adjust her rear view so it actually pointed directly at her. Never mind that its there for safety, not for applying three layers of base. She was standing on the brake, swerving. I was like dear god. When she pulled out the tub of mascara and the putty knife, I knew I had to pass her. Again, saw this driver, and well, not much could be done anyways.

My mind is always going off on a tangent, you know, the whole train of thought? But kids, they have some sort of verbal tangent dont they? There are no segues (sp?) in their conversations. It's like, "Uncle TJ, I painted a picture at school." "Oh, wow, what was it of?" "I have a thousand pennies!!" uhhhhhhh.......

Is that your face, or did your neck throw up?

I am so impatient. Is that a product of the culture, or is it a personal thing? I actually watch the microwave thinking, come on, lets go! I actually wear my hair short because I dont want to wait for it to grow out. Ill never know what I look like with longer hair, because Ill never make it that long. And I started wearing a goatee because it cuts time off my shaving. Just want to get it over with, you know? I wonder how many people have an attribute that is based solely on convenience. Peter Jackson comes to mind. I mean, here is a guy that didnt even get his tux pressed for the Oscars. That is one lazy bastard.

You know, if the government ever wanted to crack down on Office Pools, it would be so easy. Just look for anybody coming into the bank and cashing 50 checks for 10 dollars each. Piece of cake. I think next year, when I start the Pond back up, Ill insist on cash. Just to be safe. See, who says the Sopranos cant be educational.

I hate feet. They are so ugly. I just cant even look at em. I dont understand this feet fetish thing. I have the opposite. Get those nasty dogs away from me.

Is Hollywood just out of ideas? It's one thing to turn every TV show into a movie, but now we need to remake movies from like 20 years ago? Movies that peole still watch and enjoy? It just doesnt make any sense. Its one thing to update Oceans Eleven or The Italian Job, movies that could really use an update. But now they are bringing back movies it seems like we just saw. And every TV show needs to be a movie? I dont get why I Dream of Jeanie needs to be a movie. SWAT, Scooby Doo, Starsky and Hutch, Charlies Angels. Just make the Diff'rent Strokes movie, and dont forget the scene where Arnold and Dudley are molested by Gordon Jump. Still the greatest TV episode of all time. By the way, Im hearing rumors of a Sex and the City movie? This sounds like a baaaaaaaad idea.

Speaking of derivative works, I just want Jimmy Fallon to know that I love his bits. Oh yeah, his material is great. I especially loved it the first time I saw it, when it was done by Adam Sandler! Dude, get your own gig. We've seen all that crap. Is anyone even original anymore? Damn, I even catch myself writing stuff I heard somewhere else. Its like the entire world is out of ideas. Can we just exile P Diddy to Alaska, and get back to original works? While we are at it, can we start indicting Hollywood execs like we indict CEOs? Shouldnt it be criminal to make Wild Wild West? How do these people get away with it? If you are gonna green light crap, then damnit, you need to be held accountable. Seriously, if it wasnt for independant film makers, we'd never watch movies again.

And back to SNL. Dude, enough with the token black guys. Couldn't Tim Meadows have just stayed there forever? At least he was funny. I think he realized that he was the token black guy, and said, screw this, I got better things to do. Cause it wasnt like his movie career was blowing up. Now we got retreads from Nickelodeon? These guys appear on the show like 3 minutes per show, to play Al Sharpton or Mushmouth from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids. What happened to the Chris Rocks? The Eddie Murphys? Is EVERY black comic on BET and Def Jam? Can we get someone in primetime please? And I dont mean DL Hughley....

Tourney Do's and Don'ts

"Do as I say, not as I do."

DO pick a 12 over a 5. A 12 seed has beaten a 5 seed in 15 of the 17 seasons since they went to 64 teams. Manhattan and BYU are the most likely candidates.

DONT pick a 15 or a 16. #1 seeds are a perfect 76-0 in the tournament, and only 4 15 seeds have ever won in the first round. Picking an upset will make you look like a genius, but knocking out a Final Four contender in the first round will be bracket suicide.

DO focus on star power. Last year's final four teams were each lead by a lottery pick from the last draft, with the two final teams each boasting 2 lottery picks (Hakim Warrick is a future lotto pick). Balance is good, but when the game gets tight, a team must have someone it can go to to hit the big shot, or draw attention away from lesser players. Stars to watch: Ben Gordon and Emeka Okafor, UConn; Josh Childress, Stanford; Julius Hodge, NC St; Jameer Nelson, St Joes; Lawrence Roberts, MSU; Luol Deng, Duke; Andre Iguadola, Arizona. Teams lacking star power: Kentucky, Pitt, Texas.

DONT think you are going to win. You aren't. So dont over think your picks. Go with your gut, and if you are wrong, so be it. Just know that things didnt play out as you imagined.

DO concentrate on teams with strong records in power conferences. The top conferences this season were the ACC, Big East, SEC and Big 12.

DONT gloat when you pick a 14 over a 3. You were lucky. No one does this consistently, so dont think you are the bomb. Karma is a bitch, and the brackets are big on karma.

DO punch the person who gloats over a 14 over a 3. They are just asking for it. Even if they dont gloat, punch them anyways. Its part of getting that lucky, the abuse balances out the karma.

DONT share you sleepers. Its bad enough the stupid analysts ruin everyone's sleeper picks by blabbing them on tv.

DO put at least one #1 seed in the Final Four. Only once has the Final Four featured 4 non 1 seeds.

DONT pick a team just because you went there, your mom went there, your barber went there, or your gardener worked there.

DO root as hard as you can against your friends' alma maters. If their school makes the Final Four, you will never hear the end of it. Feel free to pick against them too. The above rule does work in the inverse. Unless your friend went to Duke. That's just crazy.

DONT pay more than 10 bucks for a pool. Anything more than that, and you better be able to afford it.

DO ask for help from your knowledgable friends. That little bit of info may save you from a really bad pick.

DONT help your friends if you are the knowledgable one. Screw them!

It's All For Sh!ts and Giggles

"A life is not important unless it impacts other lives."
-Jackie Robinson

Blogland.......HELLO! I added the title bar to my posts, hopefully y'all like it. And if you don't....who cares! I find that alot of stuff comes to me while I am driving. This must mean that people are just garbage drivers, and they really reveal stuff about themselves with how they drive....

...there are so many types of drivers. You have the aggressive driver. Dude always has to be in front of you. This is the guy who always pulls up on your bumper, when you have no where to go, and then goes flying by you. You will recognize him when you are both sitting at the same red light two streets up. And then dude takes off, and you saunter up to him at the next light. Sir, OPEC thanks you. And the worst is the slow driver. Man, these people. They all have in state plates, but they insist on going sight seeing everywhere. Dude, haven't you seen this stuff before? You are 30 miles under the speed limit. Take a picture, it last longer. Damn!

Short white guys. You see these guys in any sport, and you can immediately identify their role. It is the most consistent thing in all of sports. Basketball? Gritty three point shooter. Baseball? Slap hitting second baseman. Football? Possession receiver. Hockey? Hard nosed winger. So damn predictable. And two things you can always count on: little whities never drop a pass, and all little whities can hit the three. It's a given! Have you ever watched a college hoops game, and the a 5'8 white guy comes in. You know for a fact he is in there to hit three pointers. That's it, no other job. That guy can shoot. Period.

There are things in this world you just dont see. Not a lot of fat gay people. Not a lot of sluggish crack heads. Not alot of red headed Koreans.

Natural causes. Not the way I want to go. I figure, if I can make it to 80, 85, I want to go out in a blaze of glory. Who wants to die surrounded by family, waiting to go, letting nature take its course? Not me! On my 85th birthday, Im getting ripped on whisky, eating a plate of Big Macs, and then taking a motorcycle of a cliff. Can you imagine how great that would be? My grandson, talking to his buddy. Yeah, Im sad today, Grandpa T died. Oh man, how did it happen? Oh, he drove a Harley off a cliff into the Pacific. And filmed it. And it was AWESOME!

Speakin of dying, Im not sold on this mouth to mouth thing. I figure, that is as good a reason to shave every morning, put on a clean shirt, keep your haircut. Always look your best. Cause Ill tell you what, if I see a fat slob, unshaven, slobbering, half dead on the street, and someone yells, "He needs mouth to mouth!", well, Im not sure your gonna make it, kid. You know, the beautiful people will live forever. You look good, anyone will help you out. Its like, hey bro, you hear Jennifer Aniston needs a kidney? You'll offer two, and 1 from your brother. She'll have kidneys stacked up in her hospital room like tax forms at H&R Block. She'll be sellin extras on Ebay. Meanwhile, you hear that Joe the bus driver with the glass eye and the C cup breasts needs a kidney? Well, we all gotta go sometime.

Maybe we are a bankrupt culture. Maybe growing up on sit coms has messed up our generation. I think about it, and the older people of today, they reminisce on the rock and roll 50's, Frank Sinatra, Elvis, the Beatles. They have the pioneers of music to look back on. Meanwhile, people like me wax poetically about Bananarama and the theme from Greatest American Hero.

Then, on the other hand, TV is a great educational tool. What once took weeks to learn from books, can be taught to a person of average intelligence over the course of a day. Think about it. Someone comes up to you, talking about, no one reads anymore! What happened to books! It is a true journey to read a book.....just today, I went on an adventure with Huck Finn! Um, wow, Huck Finn huh? I, uh, watched that story, learned how to re-tile my bathroom, studied the cause of World War II from first person accounts, found out how they built the World Trade Center and why it collapsed, and learned where Milk Duds come from. In the meantime, you can mix in an epsode of Seinfeld. To me, TV is invaluable, and I truly owe alot of my useless knowledge to it. Seriously, how many times do you say something, and say, yeah, I saw that somewhere. TV teaches. It isnt the "idiot box" anymore. With cable and all these learning channels, I wouldnt be surprised if it became the source of all education some day, totally replacing, or at least supplementing, the school system. No doubt.

Aight, Im out......Tournament Do's and Don'ts for your brackets coming later.....

"Let's get ready to rumble!"

Well, it is officially March Madness time, and my brain just took a vacation. Something about this time of year that absolutely sends me into the world of obsession. The brackets, the seeds, the games, plus you have spring training, spring break, all of it. It totally engulfs me. It is the true first sign of spring. Just remember, if TJ comes out of his room, and see the shadow of losing three final four teams on the first weekend, then it's 8 more weeks of being a jerk. Just call me Punxatawny T.

Ok, I have a bone to pick with, well, the world basically. There is this obsession with time, and punctuality. Like, we all set schedules, and things of that nature (shout out to the Gov!), and then there is this total uproar over being late when there really shouldn't be. Now, here are two scenarios, tell me which is different: Person A has an 8 to 5 shift, but arrives at 915. A is sluggish in the morning, and takes a while to get up, get washed, dressed, what have you. But A takes no lunch, no breaks, and works until 6 or 7, and is alert and productive the entire time (except A updates A's blog on occassion!). Person B is no one in particular, but B has the same 8 to 5 shift. If B comes in on time, B may be sluggish in the morning. By late afternoon, B is downright tired, and begins watching the clock, begging for the day to end. No lunch or break will change this pattern. Even if B is alert in the morning, B may be tired by the end of the day, essentially, the inverse of A's day. While neither scenario is better, my question is, how are they different? Invariably, the answer is that "you just need to be on time." That is not enough for me, from a rationalization viewpoint. I am looking for a tangible, legitimate reason that one is better than the other. My style is more like the Silicon Valley, start up mentality, where all that matters is work. Not timeliness, not when the work gets done, just that it gets done. This is the modern work culture, and trust me, it works, very well. Anyone from the Bay Area is accustomed to this style, and thrives in it generally. Then, there is the clock puncher style. The traditional method of work, which I encountered in Chicago. Come in at 8, and when the hand hits 5.........ghost town! I remember working late, just because I was used to it, and not being able to find anyone! Absolutely barren. So the lesson becomes, just fit in, be like everyone else, conform, just because its the thing to do. I try, I really do, just because I dont like to piss people off, but man, sometimes you just gotta be you. If that makes me the odd man out, I guess.......so be it.

Ok, if you dont like sports, skip this part. I will do my one paragraph breakdown of the NCAA tourney. Jumping all over the place, so hold on to your seat! Here we go:
-I hate this stupid pod system. Just give me East, West, etc. and get on with it
-There were some real hose jobs in regards to seeds, but who cares? There is so much parity, no matter where you are seeded its a dogfight. Quit whining.
-Im glad Air Force made the tourney. It is war time, they won the conference, they played tough, I say screw it. They arent gonna win everything, and neither was the team they left out.
-The NIT starts tonight, and I HATE it when they say the winner is the 65th best team. Um, no. Im pretty sure the NIT champ could beat 14-16 Florida A&M. Just a hunch. Lets just say the NIT champ is the 35th best team, the last at-large left out. I mean, don't we realize that alot of these conference champs would be left out of the NIT? Until Liberty wins an NIT title, lets not call the winner the 65th best team.
-OK, I said a quick review, but screw it. Bracket by bracket analysis:

ST LOUIS BRACKET
Kentucky is the overall number one, and was rewarded with a pretty soft bracket. They should get to the Great Eight with relative ease. The lower half looks like a real dogfight. This bracket could have alot of upsets.

OVERRATED: Kansas. Hands down, the most overrated team in the tourney. Hardly deserving of a four seed, they were beat by Nevada and Richmond (at home). Other than Simien, they are extremely soft underneath, with inconsistent shooting from Giddens and Miles. They have no depth, and can be beaten by a consistent, pressure defense and solid shot selection. Yet, they were given a bracket where they wouldnt have to get on a plane until the Final Four. Huh?

RODNEY DANGERFIELD NO RESPECT TEAM: Gonzaga. The seed says that they are getting plenty of respect, but the pundits are extremely hesitant to give them a shot at winning this bracket. The concensus pick is Georgia Tech in this bracket, based on a victory at Duke, and their win in the preseason NIT. However, Gonzaga is the most balanced team in the field, and they back that up with star power in the front and back court. PG Blake Stepp is an effective shooter who runs the offense with precision, while the front court of Fox, Touriaf and Violette can bang and shoot with any threesome in the country. Add slashing freshman Adam Morrison and explosive transfer Errol Knight, and this team has rebounding, shooting, discipline and depth like no other team.

SUPER SLEEPER: Providence. Hardly known outside the Northeast, Providence is just the kind of consistent, grinding team that can lull the Goliaths of the bracket to sleep. They boast two things that traditionally win tournament games: a match up zone defense that will surprise many teams who havent seen it, and an All American in F Ryan Gomes. A trip out of the first weekend, and a week for coach Tim Welsh to prepare for Kentucky could lead to an upset.

BEST PLAYER: Kirk Snyder, Nevada. At 6-6, he is the type of big guard the NBA covets. At this level, he is explosive and too big for the smaller 2's to handle. If he can get untracked, and their freshman center can consistently play at a 15 and 10 level like he flashed occasionally, then Snyder could possibly take Nevada into the second weekend in the same manner that Weber State's Harold Arceneaux did some time ago.

UPSET SPECIALS: #6 Utah over #11 Boston College: BC just an overachiever. Utah playing their best ball of the year, and Andrew Bogut is a stud. #10 Nevada over #7 Michigan State: This isnt your same old Spartan squad. No more defense, no more rebounding, and certainly no point guard. They can shoot it, but so can the Wolfpack. #13 Illinois-Chicago vs. #4 Kansas: Not sure this will happen, but it CAN happen. UIC boasts an explosive and experienced backcourt and could stay in the game long enough to win in the final minute. Kansas could shoot themselves out of this game easily.

WHO WILL WIN?: Gonzaga. Balanced and experienced. They can shoot, rebound and defend. They can matchup man for man with Kentucky, and are better at some positions. If they can break the Kentucky defense, and keep them off of the boards, the Zags should be in San Antone.

EAST RUTHERFORD BRACKET
Loaded, absolutely loaded. St Joes gets alot of flack for their number one seed, but they were rewarded with a bracket whose #2 and #3 are legitimate contenders for the #1.

OVERRATED: Florida. Obviously losing Drejer hurts their overall talent, but the loss actually forced this team to gel and play better as a unit. However, Kentucky ended any talk of a resurgent Gator team by trouncing them in the SEC tourney final. Florida is always ripe for an upset, and this year is no different. Matt Walsh can't get his own shot consistently, David Lee refuses to take the ball to the cup, and Anthony Roberson, while explosive, isnt the head strong, good decision making guard you want leading your team in the tourney.

RODNEY DANGERFIELD NO RESPECT TEAM: Wisconsin. Nationally, they are getting respect, but a 6 seed? They won the big ten tournament, pounding on Illinois in the final. They boast a strong front court and one of the best players in the nation in Devin Harris. They are already good enough to beat Pitt, and the game in Milwaukee will ensure it.

SUPER SLEEPER: Memphis. They are extremely young, but may have the best freshman in America in F Sean Banks. Silky smooth scorer slasher, Banks averaged 24.2 over his last 7 games. He could pull a 'Melo and take Memphis deep.

BEST PLAYER: Jameer Nelson, St Joe's. Too easy. The national player of the year candidate has to be the best player in his bracket. But dont sleep on Wake's Chris Paul, OSU's Tony Allen and the aforementioned Banks and Harris. NBA scouts will have an eye on this bracket for sure.

UPSET SPECIALS: #12 Manhattan gave Syracuse trouble last year, and will make life tough on #5 Florida. G Luis Flores (24 ppg) is exceptional. For a 9/8 upset, Charlotte will likely beat the floundering Raiders of Texas Tech. Beware of flying chairs.

WHO WILL WIN?: Oklahoma State. The Cowboys have depth, athleticism, and the ability to score from underneath and the perimeter. Coach Eddie Sutton has the Boys streaking (they won the Big XII Tourney) and their brand of defense will suffocate Wake Forest in the Regional Finals.

PHOENIX BRACKET
What did Stanford do to anger the committee? They get a loaded bracket with landmines all the way through. If they get out of here, they have to be the favorite in San Antonio.

OVERRATED: Maryland. Primed to play the Cuse in Round 2, neither team looks as strong as you will be lead to believe. Throw out Maryland's run to the ACC Tourney title, and you have a 16-11 team that was on the bubble as recently as early last week. Amazing what a little late season magic can do, as they go from last one out to a 4 seed. East Coast bias? Perhaps. Maryland has a tradition of excellence, and has made the Sweet 16 the past two years. Unless J Chilchrist keeps playing like Nate Archibald, they should be gone by round 2. Caner-Medley is always in foul trouble, and J Smith cant shoot free throws in crunch time (excpet Sunday). Beware the turtle, it will destroy your bracket.

RODNEY DANGERFIELD NO RESPECT TEAM: Southern Illinois. Not likely to make a run, but they should be able to beat Alabama. The Crimson Tide are getting alot of pub for playing such a tough schedule (as is Michigan State), but no mention is made of the fact that they struggled with that tough schedule. The quality of your competition isnt very important unless you beat those quality opponents. At 17-12, Bama is hardly a world beater. Meanwhile, the Salukis have played consistently good basketball all year, and would have been a 6 seed if they hadnt been knocked off in the semis of their conference tournament. G D Brooks is a lights out shooter and and expectional on the ball defender. He will keep Bamas guards from getting the ball to Kennedy Winston.

SUPER SLEEPER: BYU. There are very few exceptional bigs in the tourney, but BYU's Rafael Araujo is one of them. 6'10 and all beef, he should be able to push and fight his way to 20-10 against the anemic frontlines of Syracuse and Maryland. If the Cougar's shooters can get the ball in the hole on a semi-consistent basis to offset the Cuse zone and Maryland's own perimeter people, then BYU will have a Sweet second weekend getting pummeled by Stanford.

BEST PLAYER: Taylor Coppenrath, Vermont. There is a lot to choose from here, and I really didnt know where to go. Okafor, Childress, Araujo, Ben Gordon, Julius Hodge. But this isnt about lottery picks and athletes, this is about who I would want on my team in a tourney, and Coppenrath is the man. After missing a myriad of games with a broken wrist, Coppenrath returned for the American East final and dropped 43, after averaging 24.7 during the season. In case that seems like an anomally, he also dropped 38 AT UCLA in a one point squeaker. This guy can score, and in bunches. UConn will have their hands full with this kid. Just watch the game.

UPSET SPECIALS: BYU and So Illinois are mentioned above, but also watch Western Michigan versus #6 Vanderbilt. WM has a strong inside-outside duo that should more than make up for the effectiveness of the Commodores' Matt Frieje. A MAC team has upset a higher seed in the last three tournaments, and there is no reason for it to end now. They are talented enough to possibly beat NC St in the second round too.

WHO WILL WIN?: Stanford. Their half of the bracket was loaded, but the battle to play Stanford will leave most contenders weakened. UConn is the most ominous threat in this bracket, but the back problems of Okafor are likely to take their toll by the time the Regional Finals come around. Childress and company have too many weapons, and will be Texas bound in two weeks.

ATLANTA BRACKET
More scribbles and erasures on this part of the bracket than any other. More sleepers here than a Heavens' Gate sleep over.

OVERRATED: Duke. 6 and 5 in their last 11, this team is slumping at the wrong time. What kills them is the inconsistent play of two of the players they count on the most. JJ Reddick has degenerated into nothing more than a streak shooter, while Luol Deng is only a shell of the uber prospect many predicted him to be. Deng doesnt rebound consistently, his perimeter shot is broke, and he hasnt been effectively taking people off of the dribble in half a season. Duke is not as strong underneath as the teams they will face, with only Sheldon Williams playing effectively in the paint. The blueprint for beating the Devils is out there, and it is unlikely no one in this bracket will figure it out. No final four for the Dookies.

RODNEY DANGERFIELD NO RESPECT TEAM: Arizona. The bottom line is, the Cats have talent. For all the things that have gone wrong all season, Zona can match up with any team in the land man for man. The are fast, explosive, and they can score in bunches. Any commitment to defense would lead them to victory over anyone. A #9 seed is ludacris, and has to make Coach K and the Dookies extremely nervous. Granted, this is a team that has lost alot of games they shouldnt have lost, and they will leave you scratching your head. But they have the skill level to win this thing, and Lute Olsen is a great tourney coach. They have a better record than Carolina, the same issues (great talent, no defense, little depth), yet Carolina is a Final Four contender and Zona will have problems with Seton Hall? Please. That makes no sense whatsoever.

SUPER SLEEPER: East Tennessee State. After giving Pitt problems last year, the Bucs take on an inconsistent Cincy team struggling to find an identity. The transfers at Cincy havent worked out, and the inside-out game of Maxiell and Bobbitt is all the Bearcats have to go on. If ETSU can shut down just one half of that duo, and maintain the controlled uptempo approach that won them 27 games this season, this game should be close enough at the end to allow Tim Smith and company a shot at a victory. Special note, 6-6 swingman Zakee Wadood is the only player in america to lead his conference in steals and blocked shots. He can defend anyone.

BEST PLAYER: Lawrence Roberts, Miss St. Special mention to Andre Iguodala, Andre Barrett, Dee Brown and Rashad McCants. Roberts is a scoring machine underneath, who averages a double double. His transfer from Baylor took the MSU Bulldogs from NIT contender to #2 seed in the Tourney. He singlehandedly controls ball games from the low block and is the hub of the MSU offense.

UPSET SPECIALS: East Tennessee St over Cincy. Air Force over Carolina. Total reach picks, but logical. Cincy is so erratic, they are likely to shoot themselves out of the game, while Air Force's Princeton style offense is enough to confuse the sloppy defenders of Carolina and keep the game low scoring and close. When UNC cant get out and run, they get flustered. The slow down tactics of Joe Moore's Falcons should be enough to swing momentum in their favor. Add the Denver locale, and it is essentially a home game for the Colorado Springs located school.

WHO WILL WIN?: Texas. Deep, strong, experienced. They have perimeter players that can get hot, a lock down defender in Royal Ivey, and strong interior athletes in James Thomas and freshman sensation PJ Tucker. The experience of being in the Final Four last year will be enough to carry the Horns over the streaking Wildcats of Arizona.

FINAL FOUR: Stanford over Texas. Oklahoma State over Gonzaga. Stanford over Oklahoma St.

More blog later today........