Sitting here, watching the Olympics. In honor of my boy Bill Simmons, thought I would go ahead and prepare a running diary of the NBC Olympic coverage, this night, Wednesday, August 18th, 2004
9:20 pm - Just watched Bret McClure do the vault, and that guy is hurting. Not a lot of hair on that guy. Isn't Propecia a sponser of the US Olympic team? Would it kill em to make a donation in this guy's honor? Ramie is sitting here and just commented that the guy looked like he had a disease. Im not going to ask which disease. Im guessing she doesnt me he is a shopaholic.
9:24 - Nice commercial there for the SD 4 news team. As many companies, et al, are apt to do around this time, they just compared themselves to the Olympic athletes. Im sorry, but I dont remember seeing any athletes who were slimy, do anything for a story, backstabbing hairdo's. Jimmy Roberts comes damn close, but, of course, he isnt an athlete.
Another commercial. I have no idea what it was for, but it featured two things. First, a guy who can retrieve medical records in seconds from the largest collection of information ever conceived. Um, shouldn't this guy be in the Olympics? He was flying! Then, it flashed to a lady watching her husband getting loaded onto a chopper by 4 EMTs and 3 doctors. Our hero, Dr. Sunshine, informs Ms. Victim, "He'll be fine." Yeah, so fine that he is so jacked up he can't be treated at a hospital so large it has a helipad on the roof.
9:29 - Good to see Coke is the official sponser of the Olympics. Nothing says health and training like a 300 calorie Super Sized Coke.
And now this weird Coke commercial. This chick, walking down the street, handing out opened cokes to total strangers. Now, who in the hell would drink an opened coke from a total stranger, singing to themselves on the street?
They just announced that the Women's Beach Volleyball (featuring the object of my affection, one Misty May) will be broadcast, AGAIN, at 1230 am. How fitting, considering it is the perfect counter programming agains the Skinamax movies on cable.
9:41 - Why aren't the male gymnasts wearing US colors? This guy is in red and white and looks like he is representing Greece or something. Why don't we wear the tri colors? Its always red and white. We look like canada. And that is not the look we want to be perpetrating.
9:52 - Sean just came in to tell me he is going to the Princess Pub while wearing what appeared to be a pink shirt. I have no real joke here. Turns out it was orange, but it looks straight pink in the dimly lit room Im in. Someone tell him pubs dont have light.
9:57 - Fell asleep for a bit there. Must have been the cycling, which, well....stinks. The winner, Tyler Hamilton, just hugged his teammate, and I wouldnt be surprised if he broke a rib. The guy is anorexic! Im checking his height and weight....
As Im looking, IM watching the 200 M women's breaststroke semi, and luckily, the announcer just told us that Amanda Beard "won't die." I hope that's a swimming term, because if there is any danger of death while swimming, well, then she just isn't training enough.
....ok, Tyler Hamilton is 5'8, 140, and I am calling BS. That is way too generous. Im saying, this guy would make an ugly skeleton.
10:13 - Im changing my name to Lazlo. This kid from Hungary is some speciman. He looks like Beaker from the Muppets. He better be able to swim, its his only shot at meeting chicks.
Why do all the Czech people have names that sound like diseases? "Not feeling well. I think I caught the Vytautus Januslitus."
10:34 - ok, that was a weird commercial. Bud is doing all these commercials about the short olympics, or like, mini events, or something. Whatever. Bottom line is, they just did one, where these four black guys won a relay run, and the announcer says, "And it goes to the Bulgarians!" Are there even black people IN Bulgaria? I am really confused.
Nice, this swimmer has a Cal cap on, but he is from Croatia. Guess they couldnt afford a little swimming cap for him.
While I'm talking Olympics, let's get into this Men's Basketball debate. It's real simple. Take every argument that people are making. They picked the wrong people. The marketing people had too much input. They don't care. Larry Brown isn't coaching very well at all. Blah blah blah. It's ALL right. Every last problem is there. And you know what, they will still medal. Probably gonna win the gold. We are better, plain and simple. It's just that simple. And I wonder when they win, will people still give them a hard time? Will it be tainted? I doubt it. We'll all talk about how we knew they would ratchet it up.
10:46 - I haven't seen alot of Middle Eastern countries in the swimming events. Especially the women's. I have to imagine that Burka really weighs you down.
I really like this new addition to the swimming races. There is a line that advances ahead of the racers on the last lap that represents the world record time, so you can see how close the leading swimmers are. I think this is a great innovation, and will get a lot of publicity. Just odd to see it introduced now, since they didnt use it earlier in the games.
The announcer just mentioned that one of the high school aged swimmers was absent for role call this morning. First of all, it's summer jackass. Second of all, its freaking summer! Shut your mouth, announcer. Im tired of talking hairdos already.
11:01 - Paul Hamm just bit it. How the hell he wins is beyond me. I dont care if he gets perfect tens on his next two routines, there has got to be a rule that if you vault into the judges table, you probably shouldn't win the gold medal. And how do the guys that lost to him feel? Um, yeah, I lost to the guy that sat down after the vault. How did he get a 9.1 for that vault? On my score card, I gave him a 4. Just a 4. I dont get any of this. How can anything so subjective be taken seriously? I dont know.
Ok, off to watch some West Wing and hit the sack. I shall return, perhaps tomorrow....
Faster. Higher. Richer.
